wow what a depressing pair of songs to sing along to.

hi. people been asking for words to some of our new songs, so here they are.

also, santa fucking claus has reached its dl limit. our hero and first american friend jay from clicky clicky paypal'd us a pound and suggested via les internets that it would be nice and christmasesque if everyone else did the same. it totally would have been. we got a tenner. from one person. the amount of debt this band is in right now scares the shit out of us so excuse us if we don't pump more cash into soundcloud to increase the download cap again. we can't even afford to fix our bass amp.

if you think thats depressing (and chances are, you don't) you should read this. actually maybe you shouldn't cos then you might end up writing depressing self absorbed whiny blog posts like this one, but for what its worth, this is the most concise and clearly worded essay i've ever read on why WE ARE FUCKING DOOMED.

anyway, have a singsong:

tru punx

i've been thinking about killing myself; stark sober and my heart wants out. all our dreams got sold. the champagne girls got old. how the rumours read right till "cardiac" and the punk boys are posing for photographs, now everyone looks confused. girls get excused and we get used. uh! we're all afraid. we're all afraid tonight. uh! we're all afraid, we're all afraid. so now yr talking about killing yourself. you got a target and it's greater than health. seems clear cut to me: you'd end so beautifully. how the camera guys stifle a cynical laugh, i guess the beauty won't show up in the photograph, so if you feel used, well, real punks don't get to choose. i've been thinking about killing myself. we raised the bar but the bar raised hell. i got the nightclub load-out blues; i bet the dancefloor parts for you. how we're always going to lose these gutter fights where whoever wins keeps digital rights. o stray spark light a fuse. champagne girls excused and we get used. uh! we're all afraid. we're all afraid tonight. uh! we're all afraid, we're all afraid and i drop the blade, walk away from the void. drop the blade you know we're all afraid, we're all afraid and i drop the blade, walk away from the void. drop the blade you know we're all afraid, we're all afraid tonight. uh! we're all afraid, we're all afraid tonight. last time! uh!

JFNV

cheer up shadow, you've got to keep the weight. pick ups you get for free. bail yr change but dont bail on me, i'll swap our skylines, rebuild the underground. mark places you'd never see, anywhere but where you need to be. come on darling what are you saying to me, there's a gap in the fringe, theres a hole in yr city where the lost sparks flicker in the gaijin bars. how they could never be theirs and they're no longer ours. and if the moves you make don't work in the morning

you should just. leave. jet over yr desperate crowd, yr passport photo tumblr proud and the bad endings will be like scars fading. i know the hours were pretty cruel. some nights you wished you'd jumped into the pool. come on darling what are you saying to me, theres a gap in the fringe, theres a hole in yr city where the lost sparks flicker in the gaijin bars. how they could never be theirs and they're no longer ours. and if the moves you make don't seem so smart in the morning, i can almost see you leaving. hands on yr hips and yr eyes to the ceiling. and if the moves you make don't seem so smart when you wake up, put on yr headphones and walk out the flat, go let the subway suck yr tired frame back, i hear every station has its own ring tone, theres like 300 stops and none of them sound like home.

o also, if yr that doubtful dude that i was talking to when i was djing the other day, look, i really am in johnny foreigner. woooooo go me xxx

CHRISTMAS NUMBER 1

hello

can we get some kind of award for being the most productive band in the world please.

here is our christmas hit single, we made it literally just now today and you can download it for free. god, it's not like we need money or anything.

santa fucking claus by johnny foreigner

notice yr still shivering, still wearing his coat. but we were lost there.

how deritend was silent under white.

"seven cigarettes and only six matches light" i said "yr so deep, i've drowned"

all the world is static-paused tonight so just come over, we'll have a slow christmas.

shed our bitter autumn at the door, don't think it over, we'll have a slow christmas.

a slow christmas.

wait outside yr new house write my name in the snow and come tomorrow

you know that i'll be faded out

and all these little victories in letting you go, can we have one night off.

all the world is static-paused tonight so just come over, we'll have a slow christmas.

shed our bitter autumn at the door, don't think it over, we'll have a slow christmas.

a slow christmas.

we're tinsel tacked and winter drunk on house red

were falling down on towpath slush and then were falling in bed

we're tinsel tacked and ice picked and these cheap fairy lights always short out by spring

were falling down in summer parks and then were falling out.

are you thawing.

are you thawing tonight?

all the world is static-paused tonight so just come over.

shed our bitter autumn at the door, don't think it over.

grab his coat and go, i'll split the taxi, just come over, we'll have a slow christmas

a slow christmas.

also here is a (lazy) video. we had an awesome screenplay but then coldplay ripped us off pretty much shot for shot, so this'll have to do yis. fire and robots can be soothing.

thats two new snow songs in a row. normal summer sevice to be resumed next week.

HAPPY WINTERVAL EVERYONE

xx

santa fucking claus

we dont have the time to go to a proper studio

we dont have the money to use any adults

it's too cold to even get the drums out of the van

and

i've lost the sleigh bells we bought last year

but tonight we're going to start recording a christmas song.

long way around the sea.

im starting to worry that i'll forget how to feel loved. fsdnosgnwoesvdiovsiovdyhnjm.

you know when you tumblr stalk people and you realise the whole site is basically one big repost that says "ohai i have liek, no confidence, plz tell me my boob-hinty self shot makes me just as attractive as the last girl to do a boob-hinty self shot and if not here's someone else's photograph of some brand i identify with only taken with the contrast up because i am quite artistic and appreciate colours"?

do you ever think, when we're all like, 50 years old with real jobs, that all our neuroses will have been vanquished as a result of such mass digital catharsis, and we'll be all the more balanced and responsible people for it and thus improve humanity?

i thought i should fill some space here cos it looks like we died on the way to america. we nearly did, but thats another story. like, a 12 page tour diary i've just finished and need wing-arm to proof read. so, here is a bullet point list of the kool things we have done since i last wrote here

- america (obviously)

- was huge and brilliant and one of the few places where epic is not hyperbole. THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone who bought stuff off our internet shops; you paid for the first legs deposit on the van and some buffalo wings. Those who went above and beyonds, we have a file on you and you'll get some kind of non-monitary reward at some points. ridiculously text heavy tour diary also coming soon.

- our split 7" with stagecoach came out.

- lewes did an art-off with secretly swedish and it came out beautiful. we contributed a song called tru punx don't get 2 choose, the title got cut along the line somewhere, presumably by the Grammar Police, and a barbershopified version of good luck with your 45

, which took about a 90 years for me to mix properly because none of our babs were in time and cool edit went mental and destroyed the piano sounds (tho i think that made them better). Stagecoach do a song called not even giles, its probably their best song ever and has 63 different catchy bits, and a cover of salt pepa which glides and floats and is infinitely better than them internet acoustic covers. I guess im mostly preaching to the converted, but, if not: BUY IT. all the reviews have been rad too, not that such things should matter to those with their own ears.

- its AWESOME CAKE TIME:

- we played phizz fest in wimbledon, it was fun and games but being broke meant using the inhouse sound man, which is fine unless they're a complete mentalist like this guy. does anyone remember ozric tentacles? me neither, but this guy used to be one, an

d seems all the worse for it now. i don't want to write a para telling sad tales about the behaviour of some old hippie casualty but i'd recommend bands play at the grove and experience this broken storm of a man.

- our EP came out. well, slowly. the cds are all done and ready and come with a little photoghost, the 12" are sitting in the corner of wing-arm and frobots front room being turned from black canvases to handmade works of amazement.

We totally didn't think this project out. each record sleeve, from start to finish, takes about 20-25 mins to make. We have 500. urkz! luckily we have plenty of van time to production line ourselves. 150 have already gone to alcopop hq, so preorders there should be fulfilled soon, and we're trying for another 100 this week for our distributor, so if you've preordered from somewhere else then maybe yours is the next one i write.

It's kinda sad in a way, i wish we could gallery them for a while, cos they look so impressive lined up on the floor, but no-ones ever going to see more than a few in the same place.

Anyway, im picking up the last sets of photos from wichita next week, so then we'll do all the prize work for everyone. This also has awesome reviews for those of you who still buy music based on decimal scoring, so thank you all you journalisty types. for sure, we're #betterthanthebeatles. Seem to have done a million interviews too, and none of them have been shit, so im sure you'll be pleased to read some more rambly gubbins elsewhere. these are probably my favourites, interviews are getting fun: 1998 loaded magazine bloke test style and pictionary style (also, audience pictionary style)

- We did a Brand New Song for gold flake paint and played it in a freezing cold art gallery in bristol. Its called, a kings heath story and is about snow and stuff. you can see our dan branching out into the world of live percussion too. it should be up next week, meantimes here are words cos i know you like it like that.

i walked out when it ended on addison road where the cozy hearts were stowed. took yr parents whisky and yr bad advice and the bottle smashed on the ice. and we'll make the best with the heat thats left. we could shut ourselves in, i can't stay i can't stay awake. we should cover our tracks but the snows covered everything. blanketed, glistening, is this heaven for you. i walked out in the blizzard and i got soaked to the skin. from the outside looking in, the glow of the tv and the frosted glass and a shiver that won't last. and we'll stay under the blankets till we see the beams of searchlights silhouetting snowflakes against the roofs of old friends houses

- our youkay tour is almost over, just southampton tomorrow and then up to scotland in the heatwave. Thanks to everyone braving the weather for coming out, its been awesome and sweat-filled as ever. If you live in london then you clearly need to know about this SUPER RAD END OF TOUR/YEAR PARTY thats been added on, 13th december. o shit also, dom who does our recordings is doing our sound on this tour, and LOOK WHO HE MET ON HIS DAY OFF!

legendville. he wussed out about asking his opinions of joan of arcs album campaign which would have been interesting to hear. but still, jealous.

we gave ourselves transformer names. im flywheel, kelly is wing-arm (to be reborn mallet) and junior is frobot. dan has one too but it's so offensive that when i told everyone i'd mentioned it in an email interview they were kinda shocked. so if anyone can think up a new name for dan, that'd save us the time we really need to spend time drawing then cutting then scribbling then marking then glueing then pressing then taping then writing then labelling then packing then reboxing

.

k hope everyone is keeping warmer than i am. you can buy both our new records direct from our label right here

xx

GOODBYE IDIOTS!

that was a tv comedy reference, you're not really idiots. We're like 2 hours away from leaving for toronto and im totally hyper and not ready.

massive thankyous to everyone who brought stuff from our goodwill sale, and even massiver thankyous to the few of you who found the gift cash button on paypal, we're totally humbled. We're going to work out something very special for you folks in the neat future, you will be remembered.

The end result of cash-drive is enought monies to hire out a winnebago. well, we can only afford the first couple of weeks so far but it's an awesome start and means we can nix hotel costs and make dan cook us breakfast. so yeh. it totally wouldn't be possible if it weren't for you guys. karma says you all get swimming pools.

We're still totally on the scav for places to stay (winnebago sleeps 4 + 2 children and there's 7 of us..) and shower, so if anyone can accomodate us, plz hit us up here:

johnnyforeigner@hotmail.co.uk.

we'll totally guestlist you and tell your friends how rad you are.

if youve bought the digital film package and havnt had a link yet, curse dropbox and email us and we'll send you it.

Play Patterns was awesome fun. leeds = best city. sincere apologies to everyone who that had to leave cos things over-ran. we feel totally shitty about it but it was completely out of our control. if its any consolation, they only paid us half of what we were contracted for because they wanted to try and cut their losses a bit. THANKS FOR THAT GUYS, WE'RE REALLY RICH ATM SO JUST FORGET ABOUT IT K?

So we're another £350 behind what pathetic budget we had, but there's too much good stuff happening to start throwing knives, and Leeds is totally winning the most-extreme-audience-dancing league that we've just imagined.

SO QUICKLY BEFORE WE LEAVE YOU GUYS, here are the dates for our awesome UK tour to celebrate our EP release on alcopop. Support on all dates comes from Stagecoach, who you should be hella excited for.

Nov –

18 – Reading Play

19 – Northampton Labour Club

20 – Brighton Jam

22 – Cardiff Buffalo Bar

23 – Cambridge The Portland Arms

24 – London Barfly

25 – Guildford Boileroom

26 – Nottingham Gatecrasher

28 – Leeds Brudenell Social Club

29 – York Stereo

30 – Sheffield Harley

Dec

1 – Birmingham The Fucking Flapper! SWEET!

3 – Bristol The Croft

6 – Southampton Joiners

7 – Leicester Sub91

8 – Glasgow Nice N’ Sleazies

9 – Aberdeen Cafe Drummonds

10 – Dundee Doghouse

11 – Edinburgh Sneaky Pete’s

There's still a couple of shows tbc, but if yr a promotor and see a geographically suitable gap then hit us up. Notice Scotland: We found another city thats not glasgow or edinburgh or the other one. Is it any good? Plz no OMG YOUR NOT PLAYING MY TOWN letters, we've tried to spread ourselves around as much as we can, its ALL your fault for living somewhere with no suitable available promoter. In keeping with US sensibilities, we'll offer guestlist to people if yr coming a stupid distance. So so psyched for this, there's some awesome places we havnt been to for ages and stagecoach are probably my favourite band to watch in the world right now.

So yeh. E.P. time. All the tracks have been approved for mastering tomorrow. So when we finally fall out of aeroplanes we'll have something to listen to.

GUESS WHAT THO! SOMETHING WENT WRONG AND WE NEED YOUR HELP! Here is the Official Page for the release, details (and more lush pictures) are there. don't look at us like that, for once this isn't a money thing, its another stupidly impractical art idea that YOU can be part of.

i'd love to talk shit more but i have to go pack. OMGAMERICAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

calm sea

big wave coming tomorrow now. drama queens, us. BUY BADGES?

xxx

i got something MCs can kiss

this is the post i wanted to write tonight, and it's probably going to get overshadowed by URGH STUFF tomorrow, but yeh: here is what we have been up to, because im sure YOU ALL REALLY WANT TO KNOW:

I went deejaying with jack alcopop at surf wax america, i think we played about 7 songs between us before we got told to stop cos they had to close. then we played 3 more songs, and got abused by the staff for not stopping and the dancefloor for stopping AT THE SAME TIME. london, you need to learn communication. anyway, attica state do a mean buddy holly and darwin deez came to pull girls on the dancefloor, which proves we're good for something i guess.

We went to mook in leeds, where whiskas does recording and ting. It's a lovely place, covered in late 90s promo posters and broken bits of drums. Slightly more hi-fi than the last bit of recording: (here is a picture of my girlfriend's parents toilet)

We did two songs. we had a converstaion with whiskas that went like this:

- so i was thinking, if you just do one song, we can have a pretty relaxing day and not leave here too late

- we want to do two songs

- it's just, i do have a kid now, and i havn't been home much lately

- yeh, definitely two songs.

i dont know what time we finished, i stopped looking at the clock after midnight. But yeh, whiskas is awesome at recording bands and we had loads of fun and ate hearty japanese dinner. More importantly he introduced me to Uffie. O M GDDS why have i been wasting eartime on ke$ha?

We sort of lied about doing two songs, one of thems actually two separate songs that merge together. Anyways, its the last song (2 songs) to be finished for our eepee. The second song is for SECRET: (but here is a clue you won't get)

Would you like an exclusive news bomb? Eepee is going to be called "You thought you saw a shooting star but yr eyes were blurred with tears and that lighthouse can be pretty deceiving with the sky so clear and sea so calm"

HMV are advertising an "exclusive" barfly show where we play the whole of our third album. Sorry guys, its part of the november tour with stagecoach, and we'll be playing a regular set. On account of not having written the 3rd album yet nor having even spoken about playing it. O HMV, you try to be cool with your "bands" and your "music" but really, yr still a dickhead.

We're still sorting out a few dates for this tour. IS GOING TO BE RAD. We'll tell you before we leave.

We booked our tickets for america. We land in toronto the day before the first show and leave 3 days after the last one. chicago, you are officially stuck with us for a bit. We used juniors account to book the tickets cos ours is just rubbish, and american airlines took the money out straight away. then, just to be sure, they took it out again a few minutes later. This totally happened to one of our friends who used AA too. Thanks American Airlines, you incompetent cunts.

We also got the badge set back that we meant to get done ages ago then forgot then ordered then forgot about then reordered again. Likee? Super Limited GATBP lyric badges and a sticker too.

We'll put them on the merch store tomorrow, £4 a set. Designed by us and lewes. Actually, i just told him what to write so it's pretty much all his goodness. The kind of quality you'd expect from the guy whose just been commissioned to design the new top shop logo AND climbs mountains in his spare time. Please note, we only did a run of 50 and we're keeping 10 as presents for various staff members. We won't have them on tour and there won't be another run, so get them while you can and smile smugly when people are confused as to why you have some seemingly unrelated - to - anything sentence pinned to yrself.

We've been rehearsing some old songs for america. Thank god for muscle memory, cos our memory memory is awful. weirdly, kellys remembers stuff me and jun don't and vice versa.

"my friends" fake twitter campaign has gotten actual IRL press from the Bham Post, Bham Mail, Guardian, Express and Star, and Telegraph, as well as being quoted on BRMB and being threatened for libel from 13 year old boys. He's most proud of making it onto BirminghamItsNotShit.com tho.

And lastly, we've been doing barbershop and its destroyed my sleeping patterns. seriously, we spent 3 hours recording ourselves going baa and baap and so forth, then i spent from 8pm to 6am mixing trying to get it not to sound like a bunch of out of time sheeps (I took a 2 mile walk in the middle to clear my head) The next day i played it to junior and he was all urghhh, so we rerecorded some more baaaps and buups and i stayed up till 5 mixing it more and now its done and we sent it to our manager and our label boss and havent heard back from either of them. bleghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Anyway. News tomorrow early evening our time. Not Exactly good news either. Well, actually, it works out pretty sweet for you guys and hopefully helps us out loads, but it's actually pretty terrible circumstances. Ugh. sorry to lead you all on, there's so much fun good stuff happening around us at the moment and i havnt really had the change to boast about it, so i thought it should get a 12 hour head start..

stay close xx

Empire Records

is still one of my favourite films ever. The reason me and kelly went to work in a record shop. Its a pretty fairy story tale that never plays out in real life; indie record store threatened by The Man,and despite being woefully underfunded and staffed by slacker cliches, stages epic rock show, raises cash at last minute and stays TRU PUNX 4EVA.

this is our empire records moment.

. you know whats rubbish about being a small band? big companies. the kind of big companies that can swat you away and squish you without losing any sleep. sometimes they don't squish you tho. they just sign a publishing deal with you and offer you a couple of grand to buy flights and hotels and petrols should you get offered, say, an awesome US tour, then when you come to claim the money THEY DONT FUCKING EVEN BOTHER TO PICK UP THE FUCKING PHONE YOU RAT BASTARD CONNIEVING GREEDY CORPORATE FUCKHEADS.

um yeh. so we have no idea if they're avoiding us cos they know we're owed money, or they're on holiday spending our money, or they're planning on throwing a big party in toronto when we land and showering us with tourbuses and free guitar strings. even just showering us, would be a better situation than we've landed ourselves in now. IDK, maybe they're all round avril lavigne's house singing system of a down songs.

So we're coming to america alright. We guessed aforementioned Industry Cunts would find some excuse to delay paying us so we cleared our band account into juniors, put our personal savings, borrowed cash from our tour manager and our manager manager, and brought everyones tickets. American Airlines even charged us double by accident, meaning juniors bank account is a seething cauldron of debt and redness; but at least we have the tickets. What we don't have is hotel money, van hire money, driver hire money, petrol money, food money, merch-making money, don't even want to think about how we're going to afford the hitmen we want to hire now-money.

Anyways, so we've been panicing and pacing and comparing hitman quotes, realised we need to have some sort of garage sale. think of this as that tv show that goes into people's houses and sets up stalls outside selling their old crap to the rest of the street. We're a lot nicer than those people, our old crap isn't crap, and we have a waaaay more noble goal than trying to raise the cash to put auntie gladys in a home or get a kitchen extension with real wooden beams.

Here is some stuff for sale. virtual packages, if you will, from various points in our history.

Johnny Foreigner's Great Digital Goodwill Sale:

for £5 each:

We Left You Sleeping And Gone Now; Also....

(pre kelly home made country rock)

comprises:

"we left you sleeping and gone now" - 11 track album

"also..." 4 extra songs we made a week or so later

14 previously unseen hand made backdrops from when we used to have a projector

40 period photographs

copious self absorbed liner note waffle

Every Day Is A Constant Battle

(original recordings and demos)

comprises:

"every day is a constant battle" - 17 track pre-waited up demo compilation

21 previously unseen handmade backdrop things

27 period photographs and posters

all our pre - best before record art (including 3d polaroids and all 5 bullring covers)

more liner note waffles

For £4:

Johnny Foreigner Does Wichiten

High Quality Bootleg Audiovisual Setmenu:

8 songs recorded this summer as part of the Wichita Has A Week Long 10th Birthday Party celebrations at the Garage in LDN, featuring 3 totally new songs + cameos from the chaos horns and gareth and neil campesinos!

comprises:

full set shot with 2 Hi Res cameras from front of house and sound desk audio

mp3s of sound desk audio

danPOV package - see and hear but not smell the show, an interview and other fun larks thru the HD eyes of our tech dan

two extra bonus mp3s of acoustic live session songs

and for £2.50 each

Johnnyforeignerisaces (hearts edition)

ltd edition tour EP, 7 otherwise unavailable recordings, 24 period photos from juniors camera, and 2 awesome lush desktop wallpapers made in collaboration with World renown architect and Topshop founder Lewes Herriot.

Johnny Foreigner @ Wichiten

just the audio from our superfun LDN show (+ 2 acoustic songs)

so yeh. you can see full tracklistings for everything by clicking the respective links.

we're using bandcamp to distribute the music, everything else will be sent via the miracle of dropbox to yr email as soon as we see it. It'll be checked everyday from now until forever, so nothings going to get lost and delayed unless the government cuts off everyones internets.

Last of all, if you'd like to guarantee getting one of lewes's beautiful heart/america tour tshirts you can preorder by clicking here. They'll be sent off a week or so into the tour.

Tho we clearly can't stress enough the IF YOU DONT GIVE US YOUR MONEY THEN WE ARE COMPLETELY SCREWED, we're still old enough to remember spending £15.99 on joan of arc albums from tempest (rip), so asking a combined £16.50 for 49 songs and a bunch of video and home made arts stuff doesn't exactly feel like begging. still, look at our big eyes and silky fur. you know if you don't pay, we get put down right?

K cools. Whatever you give will go directly into the america fund, i was lying about the hitman. Thanks. back soon.

(TLDR : we're selling everything. go here and here and please please please all the gods in the world let us raise enough money to be able to actually do this tour.

stay close. xxxxxxx

OH MY GOD AMERICA (and Cananda), (Canada) AND AMERICA OH MY GOD

america, this post is solely for you. it's what you've been waiting for. no time for witty commentary:

WE'RE GOING ON TOUR WITH FUCKING LOS CAMPESINOS!

arghyarghargh. Those of you who've been following our super-america (and canada) campaign (backstory 1 & 2, i guess we'll be adding some more songs to that..) will know how much this means to us. Check the general goodness of these dates:

HNNNNG:

10/08/10 – Toronto, ON @ Wrongbar (All Ages)
10/09/10 – Laval, PQ @ Maison des Arts de Laval (All Ages)
10/10/10 – South Burlington, VT @ Higher Ground (All Ages)
10/12/10 – Philadelphia, PA @ Johnny Brenda’s (21+)
10/13/10 – New Haven, CT @ Toad’s Place (All Ages)
10/15/10 – Brooklyn, NY @ Music Hall of Williamsburg (16+)
10/16/10 – Brooklyn, NY @ Music Hall of Williamsburg (16+)
10/17/10 – Baltimore, MD @ Ram’s Head Live (All Ages)
10/18/10 – Carrboro, NC @ Cat’s Cradle (All Ages)
10/20/10 – Atlanta, GA @ Variety Playhouse (All Ages)
10/22/10 – Dallas, TX @ Granada Theatre (14+)
10/23/10 – Austin, TX @ La Zona Rosa (All Ages)
10/24/10 – Houston, TX @ Warehouse Live (All Ages)
10/26/10 – St. Louis, MO @ Firebird (All Ages)
10/27/10 – Iowa City, IA @ The Blue Moose (All Ages)

we're main support for all these days except the two brooklyn shows where we're on first so we have time to go hang outside the hold-steadys rehearsal room again.

some more facts:

1) UK be jealous, we're going to be joined on these dates by our 2nd tallest friend and animation genius Ben Rausch. Ben joined us for our South Africa tour earlier this year and ran around the stage triggering live visual loops of ghosts and laser cats and preddy padderns and things with his bastardised keytar. Read his words about all that here. He's brought a foldy outy screen thing and probably doesn't quite know what he's letting himself in for.

2) These dates are all LC! shows, we might try and squeeze some more in between. See a geographically viable space? Got a basement? Hit us up NOW!

3) I know theres a lot of places we're missing out. Here is our official stance on the inevitable SOB SOB WHERES MY SEABOARD complaints: We're coming like, 3000 miles for this, its going to financially drain us, it's an amazing party-zone line up and its NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN AGAIN. So, you can either roadtrip out to some of the shows, or wait for us to accrue the airfare again and see if some (less amazing) band wants to take us out. You could be waiting a long long time.

4) If you wrote in for our teamerica campaign and live in one of the places we're playing, expect some kind of begging letter in the next week or so. Our touring party is probably going to be like, 7 people (we're taking dan to make sure we don't leave anything behind each night) and what would be lovely is if we met a few tru punx who had spare couches and lived close to each venue. Also, college radio peeps, fanzineybloggy people, anyone with billy corgans cell number, get in touch, lets do STUFF.

5) We're getting some merchymerch made up. We're pretty much going to have to rely on merch sales for food, so, hope you guys like tshirts.

here is lewes's superawesome US exclusive shirt design:

ITS A HEART AND ITS YOUR COUNTRY GEDDIT?

We'll be doing some kind of pre-ordery combo bundley thing offer pretty soon, whereby you get stuff for cheap if you order it before hand. You get a guaranteed shirt for cheap and we get to eat sooner, everyone's happy. More about that soooooon.

okcools. busy busy busy. stay close

xlex

pellets

1) We've been hanging with Famous Topshop Artist Lewes Herriot. The artwork for the ep, we've decided, will be excellent, and all the sleeves will be unique. I guess thats all you need to know for now.

2) Our Awesome New Record Label has found a place that can print us silver onto tshirts. Is this going too bling? we're thinking, no.

3) Theres a load of blogs that have a free song for you to download what we made, it's a cover of one of the sweetest songs in the world and yes that is a ukulele.

4) This is really Birmingham specific and in now way band related, but my friend has this fake twitter account: [at]travel[underscore]wm, and since the official national express west mids twitter only has 40 followers, it'd make his day if he could overtake them. so if you want to fill yr twitter feed with rude fake info broadcasts from our local bus and train overlords, then follow him/help him TAKE DOWN THE MAN. But plz don't mention us!

5) Yes we know. not yet. soon.

6) World-Renown Topshop Architect Lewes Herriot only has a few prints left from his dark inventory series; you should get in touch with him in the link above and buy them cos they're awesome. I got the god of rabbits and all they stand for. I think this is kinda neat, like, if I was a badger, I could still count on the rabbit god to help me out with burrowing.

7) We're going to leeds next week. partially because its the new centre of the universe, but mostly to record a couple of songs with whiskas from forward,russia! I'm hoping he'll teach me some of his loop-guitar dark arts. I think dans coming as well, so look out for even more unflattering HD footage of us recording.

that was it. stay close xxxxx

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

slight addendum

exorcism project = all sold out. in less than half an hour.

note to self, never underestimated the selling power of cute.

THANKS GUISE I GUESS WE'LL GO MAKE SOME MORE THEN!

information broadcast transmission!

i've been on a weird suede trip all night, there's this quote from brett anderson that totally stood out amongst all his "im pretty gay, honest" posturing. he's talking about the thought processes of being in band and keeping shit together thru the peaks and troughs: "it's like you're a bull in a china shop, you keep going and eventually you just become a better bull in a china shop." It made me laugh but im not quite sure why. anyway, i put it here cos such a long post probably deserves some quotation as a preface. this is one of the most epic text heavy info post we've ever done, and, whilst its all desperately important and relevant, thats no excuse for slouchy posture, so plz ensure yr orthopaedically comfortable.

We have a new press guy! he's actually our old press guy, which is why i know he's going to forgive us for doing this stuff on a friday evening when everyone in teh industry knows you wait till monday to do announcings. HELLO JAMES! SORRY!

Item #1

i fucking hate press releases. vast deluded interchangeable wastelands of superlative; deluded promises of relevance, clichés recycled as tradition, and exaggerations so oft repeated as to make writing them again a waste of ink and electricity and oxygen. written by dinosaurs for other dinosaurs.

here is our press release then. i've kept some of the obnoxious exaggeration in for old times sake.

we chose to walk away from doing a third record with best before. the reasons you don't really need to know about, except to say they're probably identical to the arguements had by every righteous indie band of the 00s with their labels funded with money from the 90s, only magnified our need to overdramatise everything, guitars that just don't stay fixed, and trying to work out who we know from 'kill your friends' IRL.

we're really proud to say, our next couple of records will be released with alcopop. it's pretty rare to get a label that's genuinely excited by the increased need for creative and fun ways to sell records, and we're flattered that the one that has the bands we like also likes us. I heard that Jack who runs it won't deal with bands who don't want control over their artwork, and that he doesn't want to do a standard cd release ever again. We've found a pretty suitable home...
the internet hasn't killed the industry, its just split it into the big money players that have to recoup thru dwindling cd sales, and the genuinely independant side that never planned for a pension in the first place. we've been broke since ever, so we know which side we stand on, and you lovely people are going to receive better products as a result.

so, our first record on alcopop (and our first 12"!) is a schizoid collection of 6 songs that have no common theme apart from us thinking they fit together, like a photo scrapbook of summer adventures or some weird dream where the scenery changed and you didn't notice. there's 3 songs in drop-d, recorded by our long time friend and producer dom james. one of them is probably the loudest we've ever been. the other songs were made by us in bedrooms on long weekends off. one of them we still need to finish, ooops!

it has the provisional title of "there when you need it", tho we reserve the right to change that on a whim or chance misunderstanding. out at start of november is the plan, on 12" and digitals, and a postcard for each song drawn by famous Topshop designer lewes herriot.


we'll be celebrating in the traditional manner of a UK tour in november. A few dates have already leaked onto the interwebs and we're confirming the rest and will tell you all soon enough. Support for all dates will be super radical reading/leeds headliners (and labelmates, woot!) stagecoach, and we'll have a pretty awesome surprise for around then too, which you'll be hearing more about soon. we don't want to flood peoples brains with our band, even tho that would be awesome and we could control you all like in syndicate, and fit you with bionic limbs and laser pistol upgrades.

so yeh, that's the first part of this epic broadcast done. as background information, we've moved into the nicest and most colourful practise space in the world ever. It's called floodgate street CIC, tho we're going to call it candyland, and its a whole world away from the resident evil set we used to rehearse in a mile walk out of town. also, no stairs! PERFECT. and! our bank account was (briefly) in the black for literally the first time ever last week, and! today we sent an order off to get a set of "grace.." badges lewes designed for us ages ago made.

So, is everyone still reading? totally not done yet. I'm so used to coming on here and moaning i kind of worry people'll switch off if i'm too positive.

Item #2

its with a heavy heart that we've had to remove some paragraphs here whilst some Stuff is Sorted. lets just say, america news, public knowledge next week, massive fucking smiles all round. shit yes.



Item #3

or, better commerce through exorcism.

its become apparent to us that trying to make a living selling melody is a pretty bad idea for a quick ride to the gold plated swimming pools we covet so much. Top Gear still refuses to license our songs and apparently some of you people are copying our music digitally off the internet, which is the same as stealing our cars and helps fund pirates who rape babies for satan. so, behold our brand expansion into the world of collectible super random box plush toys. dammit if this were japan we'd be so minted by now. or sued by namco, but tbh we'd quite like the publicity. anyway scott pilgrim, get off our zeitgeist.

exorcism project!

please buy from us 20 of our ghosts, unique handmade kawaii physical manifestations of things that have haunted us over the last few years and should really be passed over. they were brought to plush toy form using love and soft materials by sarah graley and each one is about as big as her hand.

they come with an authenticationarisation certificate containing individual handmade & signed backstory and storage instructions, as well as a download & lyric sheet for '199x', a sad new song we made for especially for this project that you can't hear anywhere else.

here is our merch store where you can buy one.
and here is the gallery of available spirits.

successful applicants are encouraged to (liberally) follow storage instructions and send pictorial proof to us, which we'll include in said gallery.

we have no control over which ghost appears in yr mail. you can't choose a particular fear or regret, LIFE DOESNT WORK OUT LIKE THAT.

kcools, we hope you like thems. if this all goes swimmingly and we sell out superfast, we'll maybe do some more, and soon our lives will be cleansed without having to resort to scientology. everyone wins. k awesomes good luck!


okay, here ends epic transmission. stay close and next week we'll announce dates of things and that amazing thing we're bursting to tell you but have been politely asked to refrain. fsdujnba fjagnwije!!!!!!!!!!!!!

be excellent to each other

xx

bullet porn

hi!
we have like, a formal announcement to make on monday. fun stuffs. but, meanwhile, this:

>

omg leeds we love you and just cant stay away.

also, got sent a link to this today with a message "Hi Just to say, I've been making tees unknowingly with the same phrase as your band!? Hope they do you service.

Cheers
elliot"

sdlsgojjrgrioavnj wat do plz, o noble fanbase? is he for real does anyone know? i mean, i don't really think there's a market for people wanting johnny foreigner as a tshirt slogan. weird. pretty sure we hold no copyright over the phrase, but were kinda worried people'll think our shirts have gone really boring. maybe we should just start making coldplay shirts.
anways, just to be sure, there nothing to with us and if you give him money thinking yr somehow repping us then everybody loses and we all die horribly. at my tshirt selling job, we have a team of ex hells angels who go around intimidating bootleggers and taking their stock. srs, at one point i had about 10 different cheap dayglo sugababes shirts.

that bipolar friends clock on ebay, now that was a nice creative way to rip us off. i wish i'd bought it.

HOPE EVERYONE IS WELL. xxxxxxxxxxxx

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

sarah graley > you





COMING SOON!

all i really wanted was a (term for someone i could lean on)

ohai guise.
what you doing?

our new ep is 50% finished. well, more than that, but half the songs are like, ready to be heard by people who arent us and stuff. we're undecided if the lead off single should be a standard yay happyclap pop song (for The Radio to pick up on and make us famous) or a depressing slow song (cos The Radio pretty much ignores us whateverr, and we're all growd up and mature now)

we've also designed a new tshirt which could possibly destroy topshop. or get us sued, we're not quite sure.

and and, we've updated the merch store with some stuffs we found down the back of a broken dream. i mean sofa.
theres some old sofacore shirts, a tote bag, the eyes wide 7" and the every cloakroom 10". its all super limited, we're clearing out for NEW STUFF thats getting made in a month or so.

also, check this fucking awesome band out - fist city
i wrote them this morning all arghhhhh i love yo band, i read about you in the nme and that NEVER HAPPENS, and they wrote back straight away saying, thanks, whats the nme?
which made me crush even more.

also, in trying to find a song called american high school rock (i think) by san lorenzo, i had a total gringo day and realised that the songs on hirameka hifis myspazz are super good live recordings. also, goodbye to victories by eska is probably the greatest song ever.

k byyyyyy

cake face

hi guise

last night was fucking awesome.

thanks be to:
gareth and neil and the chaos horns for playing with us
the awesome and patient garage stage crew (worst soundcheck ever)
wichita for letting us crash their party

seriously, wichita = awesome. the first wichita release i brought was a bright eyes / her space holiday spilt single, and i can't believe that was 10 years ago. it was a total privilege to be asked to be involved and i'm sure the next ten years will be just as rad. i worked out, on average i buy almost 5 of their records a year, i can't think of any other label thats been that consistent or warrents such loyalty.

and they're cool with us using their franking machine too. legends.

anyways, it was a super rad show, cheers everyone for coming early to see us!

all the preordered copies of our super10" record have been posted out now, so, if you still havnt got yrs, give it a week to allow for postal incompetence and then bug us about it. we'll probly put the rest on th merch store at some point this week..

luna park

hello! i just heard of this band and i think you might like them too see?



this is philadelphia grand jury, they're from australia and, LONDONS, you can see them supporting us at 93fteast on the 26th of THIS MONTH. they're on an epic uk tour, go see them in other places too. we really need to stop booking gigs the day after one of us returns to the country, but never mind.

also, i went for a quick drink today with one of my total teenage musical idols, to talk about producing ALBUMNUMBER3. well, i guess its 4, technically speaking but anyway: EXCITING. can you guess who? heres a clue, its not anet mook. anyway, i dont think he remembers drunk me meeting him in the jug of ale 8 years ago, but he was just as cool as i remember. he gave me a beer and i kept it in my fridge for 3 years till pete from calories drank it.

and lastly, and it spins my head slightly i can even write this, if there's anybody with a johnny foreigner tattoo that hasnt already added a picture to our faceboke then, plz do it. you insane but ego-bolstering crazies. we want to cut off yr skin and make a blanket for our grandchildren JOKES.

nah, actually, we want to kind of organise our photos a bit betterer. what we're totally missing is pictures of our t-shirts, so if anyone has photos of themselves wearing any of our merch and looking SUPERCOOL and stuff, plz send it to johnnyforeigner@hotmail.co.uk so we can show them off to people. i don't quite know who, but they'll be well impressed. plz mark yr mail "COMMENT MAH PIX PLZ" so we don't lose it amongst the offers of discounted italian designer clothing and airmiles reminders.

k thx loves

google chrome, i like you.
kbyebyetraaaaaaa

mutton dressed as lamb dressed as peacocks for the ball

i sometimes dj at a club night in a kinda posh kinda scummy lahhndaahhn town. last night this girl came up to the booth and says; "d'you know about indie rock then?"
i was like, "yeh, i guess i do" so she said, can you play that sex on fire song.

no, says i, i dont have it and its rubbish. she looks a bit peeved but goes away and carries on dancing, then comes back a few songs later; "do you have any scouting for girls?"

"jesus fucking christ no", i said.

"oh, well..", she says, turning to leave "you obviously dont know that much about indie rock then"

we just played the strangest show ever. exit calm and us and ou est le swimming pool and shy fx. i cant quite work out what we all have in common apart from, needing the fucking money. anyways, it was a graduation ball for an obscenely rich university. we played in a giant marquee on the grounds of the halls of residency. only, it wasnt halls, it was a converted castle, with a little stream and a tower and some beautiful brutalist 4 storey apartments, all on this fairy tale landscaped garden. there were salsa dancers and a string quartet and some babershop guys and stilt walkers and a jazz band and a 5 course dinner and a champagne bar and hanging laterns in the trees and uv underlights in the bushes, you get the idea. narnia.



i talked to some of the natives, mostly to avoid sitting in the world cup bar with 50 drunk and impossibly rich tuxedo'd boys screaming the name of our country at a giantsize plasma screen showing 22 other impossibly rich boys kicking a ball around the country i'm in love with. anyways, i tried to describe how mostly everyone i know who lives in halls has a scrotty bedroom and a shared kitchen in a block of dank grey flats and one of them snorted and pointed to the apartment block, to imply they were no better off. i swear to god, the only things that looked vaguely trampy were the way the bird seed for the peacocks had scattered on the lawns in front and the way a couple of rooms looked a little darker than the others. that cos when euan blair lived there, him and his bodyguard decided to pimp out their apartments with bullet proof glass.

we had a lighting guy for the day, our tour managers idea of a birthday treat for his housemate. he was dead good too, but his name is junior, which can be confusing in dark places. i tried to get everyone to call him two-nior, but it didnt catch on. thanks and happy birthday other junior!

really tho, a good time was had by all. about 30 of the 9000 people actually watched us play, which is probably the best student-ball kill ratio we've achieved. they all did this weird posh-kids-can't-dance shuffle and one of them, lets call him shinyfacedrentatux boy, walked on stage between songs to ask if we'd play "that one about moseley" but, honestly, we're probably the only real live indie band they've ever seen, and its not like yr born with a working knowledge of gig ettiquette.

also, this one girl said she'd seen us play with lc! a million years ago; and me and kel had lost our accents and it sucked we didnt play champagne girls. idk if the first is true and the second exploded my irony-meter in a manner illfitting for conversation with someone so academically superior.

this is francis, our tour manager and sound dude. he's from america. USA! YANK! HA WE KICKED A GOAL IN YOU IN THE 4TH MINUTE WERE GOING TO BEAT YOU EASY IINGERLANDDD IIIIINNNNGGGGEEEERRRRLLLLLAAAANNNNDDDDD FUCCKKKK YYYYEAHHHH O OO oh. ohnoes!

i'm pretty sure i had greater arcing point to this, social worlds colliding and that, but its 4am and i have songs to write. thank you graduating class of goldney university 2010, please remember us when yr running the country.

hey there overseas

k, just quickly
1) are you american or canadian and not on our mailing list? no? you div, read this and see why you should be

2) are you in australia? then eat this!

massive thanks to matilda for setting this up for no reason apart from SHE CARES. we = super flattered.


and thankee for all the kind words about us and peaches song. busy busy yum yum
OK THATS IT, ilu interweb

HAVE A COLLABULLATION!

DOT TO DOT, urghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.. so weve always wanted to play it, we were always whining about how we never got asked and then they asked us and someone along the line said yes without checking with us and if it was literally any other weekend we'd be there but this weekend is when kelly goes all mysterious and leaves the country. does any of you read comics? d'you know the boys? you know the female? yeh...

anyway, since we share a manager with sky larkin, some Shit went Down and now they've replaced us. you should go see / have been to see them. they have new songs and there fucking awesome-o.

so, seeing as the theme of this week seems to be weirded out versions of songs as apologies, this seems to be a gooderer time as any to introduce this bastard child (song) we gave birth to (recorded) after sexing (studio time) with this man called peach (yesterdays pupil) in south afri-car.

peach!


for those of you who are into this sort of technical studio knowhow, we recorded all our parts in the wrong order onto a computer machine using wires, coloured them in pretty hues, then peach put it next to a gameboy sound chip and did some suave magic transferrance till this came out.

thanks be to red bull studios in capetown for organising this up for us

JOHNNY FOREIGNER AND YESTERDAYS PUPILS ALL NEW JAZZ DIRECTION

k hope you like it. it's called with who, who and what i've got. i guess it should have a weird suffix like 8bit poesyou mix or something, but seeing as how we havnt recorded it normally yet, ettiquette dictates we call that one *standard rock version. normal service to be resumed on the 5th June for 2poor2pitch (tsch, grmmr) at the harely in shefshef.

goodluck kelly / bye

x

NEWS BO-OMB

hello. if we were a club, then this would be the newsletter.

1) every cloakroom ever. OMG we are soooooooooooooo sorry about keeping everyone waiting for this. there was a flood! locusts! and a load of stuff that was out of our hands. BUT this weekend both the test pressing and cover turned up (can you find yrself?) and we've okayed them cos they're excellent and they'll be cloned this week. YAY BACTA TANKS

so, expect yr awesome 45rpm 10" (geek hi5 plz) within a couple of weeks. ALSO, to keep you all from thinking, why did i ever care about johnny foreigner anyway, everyone on the list will be sent a BRAND SORT OF NEW song called kelly watches the coast. its sort of a remix but not really. you'll see. check yr inboxes (inboxi) in a few days. sweet.

2)gigs! our summer schedule is pretty much in place now, you can see it here or most likely here or even perhaps here. our next show is headlining the saturday of 2poor2pitch at the harley in sheffield. yay sheffield!

3) americahhhhhhhhhhh/canadarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. thanks so much for yr informative emails, its totally helped us build a picture of where we want to be and who we need to speak to. i know we still havnt written back to everyone, we're still assimilating all the details. planning mode for autumn (FALL!) tour will be engaged soon. aces.

4) safricaaaaaaaaaaaa we want to come and make our next album in you. for reals. octynov time? can we have a million rand for flights plz?

kcool, more news soons!

traaaaaaaaaaaaaa

half past america

prologue


hi all. if yr not from america or canada, then there's not much point reading this. srs, its just a big lunp of text that will do nothing for you. having said that, writing such a warning is probably going to make you read it more out of curiosity. so, read it, and then trust us next time k?


if yr from canada, then you should read this and substitute mentions of america for canada wherever possible. sorry, yr in this too but im just trying to save on text. i realise this might be a massive cultural faux-pas, but whenever we've thought of touring america, canadas always been part of that. yr like the cherry on our mental tourmap cake.


sweet?
essay tiem nao.


k right, easily thee most frustrating message we've received in the last few months, about 100 times, over every Digital Social Interaction Media we have, goes like this:

Hi! i love your band! you should come to [insert name of american city/town/state] and play a show!


we're fucking tearing our hairs out.

a good 80% of the music we listen to comes from america. half our mailing lists are american. most of our facebook interactions (SRS BZNZ) are with americansss. we made 2 albums there, played some of our most fun ever shows there (hi rob!) and even once waited in a courtyard in texas for tim kinsella cos he told us he'd be right back, and we've hung out outside the holdsteadys rehearsal room just long enough to look suspicious. also, slightly obscure canada reference, i used to have a job handing out pamphlets in a road called albert street. ANYWAYS, we want to go tour there so bad we've resorted to flippantly replying, sure, buy us plane tickets and we're there. srsly, we're asking kids we've never met to buy us airfare, in the vain hope that one'll be super rich and take us up.

PLEASE AMERICA, WE HATE THE BEATLES AND KASABIAN AND ELLIE GOULDING. WE WANT TO PLAY THE STAGES THAT THE PIXIES AND THE PLAN GREW UP ON AND WE'RE STUCK IN THE COUNTRY OF THE FUCKING COURTEENERS BEING DECLARED THE FUTURE. seriously, the day mark linkous died, the nme, our countries most famous music rag and funded by a hair gel company, gave an award to paul weller.

so, let this post be the end of the frustration period and the start of Actual Positive Action. we are like, TOTALLY coming to america. somehow.

we toured ireland this year, and, it was kinda awful. lovely people,like, but no promotion, no excitement, we've never felt so much like we were being processed thru the system. financially and morally, it was a major fail. and then we went to south africa and played thee most perfect fun tour ever, and it completely hammered home the value of punk ethics we'd kinda forgotten about, what with agents and cone-tracts and barfly tours.

sorry, im rambling, but there is a point. we want to build some kind of giant box of information
so we can plan a tour that will be perfect and amazing and not land us homeless in some lonely state, playing to a dozen random people who possibly have never heard of pavement, and make us wish we'd spent the airfare on water bills or rent or something.

and this is where you come in, mr/ms "hi come play my town plz". in a probably unprecedented level of demographic interaction, we'd like to hear from all of you lovely eager people. please write to us. tell us where you live, what venues you go to, what the shows are like, what local bands you think we'd fit a bill with, etc etcy... be as detailed or as vague as you like, we'll read everything and reply to everyone. if you know any local promotors/labels/distros, general Good People to know For This Sort of Thing, then send us their details too. plz nothing like YOU SHOULD TOUR WITH LC!!!! stuff, cos, although its true and just, we have as little say in that as you do and we want to concentrate on practical, achieveable stuff like persauding sam zurich to let us crash his house

when we have this big sack of mail then we can sit down with a big map and start pinning little flags in. although we'll more likely use Teh Internetzz, which worries me slightly cos i dont know how you do that neat split window thing on windows 7, and that'd probably be pretty handy.

but yeh, hopfully this right here is the start of something superawesome. involving like, promo tshirts and free stickers at last and superawesome guerilla ad campaigns where we get you to graffitti ghosts and the words "the english are coming" in public places in return for a goody bag and a toasting. too far?

anyways, it starts like this.

please write to:

johnnyforeigner@hotmail.co.uk

and put team america/SRS BZNZ as the subject header so we dont lose it amongst offers for cheap nikes or late notices from our studio.

tldr?

if you want us to come and play in yr town in america or canada, please write us stuff about yr scene or venues or whatever and send it to the above email. then we'll collate all this stuff into a big paper maiche house and dance about in it. awesomes.

thanks for yr time, and, with a bit of luck, see you soon..

by request....

i don't know whats worse, my enunciation or my handwriting, but anyway, words for the two new songs on the every cloakroom ever e.p. click on them and they grow bigger, like rubbish tamagotchis.

for the chains:




things i would have swapped for heart shaped sunglasses, 2001 - 06:


feel free to sing along at home to yrself or make weird acoustic versions to put on the internet for our amusement.
also, i still actually would actually like some heart shaped sunglasses, actually.
kthxby!

no pants and other tales fom south africa

THE GREATEST AIRLINE IN THE WORLD

we didnt mention it at the time, but, when we landed in cape town and all our clothes and instruments didn't, we declared war on KLM, our airline. losing our bags is kinda unfortunate but a risk you generally get used to, being treated so impersonally over an £1800 arrangement isnt. ANYWAY, the morning after our stellenbosch show the 5 of us drove to the airport to fly to joberg, and we had the best flight ever.

kulula are so laid back and friendly, it was the most alien ive felt in a foreign country for ages. our gear was loaded on the plane with no hint of excess charges or damage warnings, the inflight trolley sold real food at normal prices, and the pilot used the intercom to talk to the passengers like he was their dad taking them out for a joyride. i had a row of seats to myself so i was mostly asleep, but i did hear
"if you get bored you could read the safety instructions. thats serious buisness"
"i'm sorry we didnt pack enough meat sandwiches"
and
"now flying over joburg, i'm locking the doors"
amazing. I'm going to ask them for sponsorship.

anyway, we landed and had to wait for ben to fetch the spare keys to his car on accout of having left the actual keys in a cubbyhole as a result of smoking too much because of us smoking so much. It was fine tho, we did what all touring bands do when stuck and watched southpark, stopping only when our laptop and us nearly got run over by some dude stealing a mercedes and driving up the kerb leaving us and a load of police with guns drawn looking angry.

we excused ourselves and took a sleep deprived trip to the glam world of SHOWBIZ TELLY. MK is like MTV for south africa, srs bznz, we rehearsed each song 3 times, did mock interviews and walkons, did makeup, made small talk with underwear-deprived presenter lady, and then went on in a sleep deprived hustle like presidents being taken to the last helicopter out of the blast radius.

it was kinda awkward, like an instore only with super bright lights. my guitar broke for a bit, to make up for it, i did bunny ears behind the presenter. swings and roundabounts innit.



massive love for teh kidss what came down to watch us, especially him with the carpool plan and her with the awesome quality homemade tshirt


we did another thing called my mk celeb, in which we pick the top ten music videos, like, EVER. we were super excited till we read the list, so we just picked the bands we'd heard of. watch it, if you like hearing us talk about things we know very little..

and then we went back to bens amazing big house and ate nandos and collapsed asleep on sofas. actually i made a painstakingly perfect bed out of a pile of blankets and pillows and it was ace..