preorder 12" gogogogoogooooooo

this is a very shrunk version of 1/4 of the rebuilt cover art for the 2x12 release of Vs Everything. We promised everyone we'd make this happen and cos jack is awesome it has. preorder linky is at the bottom if you want to skip the part of this where i moan about shit.

1) Brian Wood's new comic, The Massive, is just brilliant and everyone should go buy it

2) Bands reforming is kind of like exes coming on to you innit. Like, you were awesome and you probably are still but I've kinda moved on. and I feel guilty cos I was into those bands with all my heart and soul and wallet and they break up and I get all upset and then get over it and find another band to fall in love with and then they come back and they're all HEY GUYS WE NEVER REALLY BROKE UP WE WERE JUST DOING DIFFERENT THINGS! fuck no, you broke up. I remember where i was when I heard about it and I maybe cried.  I'm barely past teary eyed 4am youtube crushes and I just want to call bullshit: all you guys, you walked away from me, and now you have drunk nostalgia money eyes and you want me back.

I'd never be so rude tho, cos you guys are my actual heroes. You invented me.

 I loved you once. You were massive parts of my life. You lost it to whatever mundane reasons that eventually end bands; egos, boredom, bank balances. and nothing you did since caught fire like that again. You faded out, became replaced. Nostalgia is a sound business plan now. So you cash in. because fuck knows you deserve to be paid. You deserve infinite money for those goosebumps you raised on my arms; be they last night at 4am over my shitty laptop or a damp Thursday evening in 1998 at the Shite and Duck in Camden. Those feelings are literally priceless

I don't think there's any shame in that. Or that there's any shame for not wanting to play shows where the poster says  "[your new band] featuring [your name] ex-[your old band]" It's just a shame that this is what it comes down to; nostalgia fest & karaoke value. play your most famous album! play it in order! I've seen soooo mannnnnnnny taglines, fb statuses, press clippings: party like it's 1997/99/02/04. and I refuse. I refuse to be told to party like it's the past.

Don't get me wrong, this is My Problem. I'm stoked that 15 years  of word of mouth meant Cap'n Jazz could afford decent fees when they came over here. I'm happy and jealous that my friends got to dance onstage with the D-Plan, and I'm happy and smug that I got to be Pavement's merch guy. But there's so many amazing songs and records and tours being made by bands have something to say in the present tense. I don't want nostalgia. I don't want to remember the good old days, I want relevance and The Now. I want my artists to be making new shit, unfolding new real time adventures. Doing stuff that relates directly to other people alive on earth at this instant
I just don't want to see my heroes admitting they have nothing left to say to me. I don't want to see them as museum pieces when i last knew them as living breathing active creations.

Yeh this is cos of Cable. I don't want to go watch Cable. even tho, in their day, I would have crawled thru poo to have the chance. They'll be amazing. Their songs still sound punchy and clever and the lyrics are pure poetry and they have choruses as big as the atlantic. and they'll have a crowd as fervent as their heyday to play off. and I'll be at home bitter cos of this weird hangup.


3) I'm sorry for placing that rant in front of this all important link:

PREORDER JOHNNY FOREIGNER VS EVERYTHING 2x12" GATEFOLD SUPER - RECORD

Comprising of the complete "Vs Everything" album and all relevant b sides: Remember 2011, when we released that record? ahhhh It was ace weren't it. REMODEL REPACKAGE. Shut up, we've never had a proper record album before so we're clearly overcompensating with this. Excite!!::

Because we're (jack) is lovely, have a free downloadable song also.

Also note, the first 100 orders will come with this:

stickerbook! stickers! hells yes.

The street date, YO, is 16th July. but seriously, if we take an extra week finishing shit, you're not allowed to be mad at us.

John Foreigner Mixtape Explosion is Number One!

our launch shows are going to be so rad. But! have you bought your significant other a ticket, knowing that he/she doesn't necessarily keep up with those funny little bands you like?

fear not, just download these songs and you can be like, babes, i made you a mixtape. the buy set option just goes to the alcopop store (this isn't really an alcopop release, we just can't let you all rinse our dropbox) so you have to dl each song seperately. don't you dare complain cos this is how i had to buy lifter pullers entire back cat, and this whole saving your relationship act of ours is FREE.

or, yknow, you can just dl it yrself and be alone forever, but with an awesome set of songs courtesy of the bands we're playing with this weekend and strong jack pop...

hey, also, before you hear the exclusive brand new unheard song of ours thats tacked on the end and accuse us of playing nice chords on acoustic guitars, you should know it was made entirely by robots.

the official JFvsE launch shows mixtape by alcopop

the scheeming tactical plot to all of this was to act as a last drive for ticket sales. only london is all souled out now. which leaves BIRMINGHAM THIS SUNDAY AT THE FLAPPER WITH STAGECOACH, SCREAMING MALDINI, CALORIES, ACE BUSHY STRIPTEASE AND THE STARRIES REUNION FOR ONLY EIGHT POUNDS JESUS FUCKING CHRIST BIRMINGHAM HOW ARE THERE STILL TICKETS LEFT FOR THIS I THOUGHT YOU GUYS WERE PAST THE CANT BE BOTHERED TO GO TO GIGS STAGE.

k if that wasn't enough mixtape options for you, go here for a free dlable compilation from all of us thanks to Gold Flake Paint, and here to see what i said after WHA?, when Q asked me for a playlist of "bands that were "probably big in japan"

i am so late for practice now you guys.

hands vs fangs

O GOD ITS BEEN SO LONG, ARE YOU STILL THERE?

i dont know if hyperproud is a real word but thats what we are. we can now start telling you stuff about our new record. it was recorded and mixed over a luxurious 5 month period, by our old friend dominique james, and it sounds perfect. it sounds like a huge expansive sprawling ambitious and personal version of us. it sounds like we do in our heads. it's called, johnny foreigner vs everything, and will be available november 7th on alcopop.

here is a cover:

that's not thee cover btw. technically, the finished product will have 2 covers. you'll find out more, soon.

i hate these writeups. i can't sum up, in terms soundbytey or otherwise, how it feels to have made real something thats spent the last 2 and a half years hanging round our heads as rough ideas, plans, sketches and shadows. we've genuinely been obsessed with making this record. there's a hole in my life between 2 and 5 am, cos all the lyrics are finished, all the arrangements solidified and the mixes complete.

idk. it felt like we took a massive gamble leaving our old label. sure, we're free to be tru punx forever and we have so much moral high ground we can see right down yr top, but oh, all that other-peoples-money. we knew we'd have to come back with a better record on a worse budget to justify our stance, and when all yr armed with is confidence in a bunch of songs noone's actually heard yet, it makes for a pretty righteous victory to listen back after half a years stress and sweat and ruined sleeping patterns and realise we've fucking achieved it.

both our previous records were made in new york, by expensive and established producers, in purpose built studios full of boxes that did clever things to sound we can't pronounce. we made this in birmingham, in a warehouse under the arches and dom's parents spare room. we've never had this much control over recording, or been able to take so long, or had a producer that grew up with us buying the same records at the same time and whose mother constantly fed us square and balanced meals.

this record is us, made by us. it doesn't feel like a gamble anymore, is what i'm stumbling around to. there's this quote

also related, this is now a thing. a promotional youtube up onto which we shall upload various video larks pertaining to aforementioned AWESOME NEW RECORD. don't expect anything to make much cohesive sense. we'll be adding more and more up till release date

kkk. so would you like to hear some songs then? WOULD YOU EVER!

here is our next release: (don't) show us your fangs by johnny foreigner

the hand that slaps you back by johnny foreigner

because we're awesome, (and, y'know, have bandcamp) there's a limited number of free downloads of (don't) show us your fangs here.

but, because YOU are awesome, we'd much rather you did this.

see, all the things that are better than frisbees were too impractical/expensive to do. srsly, you have no idea the logistical problems involved in baking a cookie around a cd and posting it around the world.

so strong jack pop has come up with an alternative:

sticker + single = stingle. here's lewes's awesome skateboard sticker design:

you can't see here, but it's like, totally cut out around the ghost shape. this is what happens when we source stuff out to professionals instead of gluing our hands together in the back of splitter vans like special children. so, for £1.50 anywhere around the world, you'll get two of these stickers and a url to download both songs.

also, competitititition:

it would greatly enlarge our egos if these stickers got stuck in prominent public places, such as the hands of big ben or your mothers face. so we have some signed exclusive awesome art prints and a super deluxe album pack to give away (it's too early for details, but trust us, they're going to be amazing and sell out) to those who send photo evidence of stickers stuck in the best places. it's not mandatory, we just get a buzz out of making people perform possibly illegal tasks for swag.

send photos to - johnnyforeigner@hotmail.co.uk, and title the mail "mentioning my mother was a step too far". we'll send out prizes on album release day.

aannnnnndddddd if that wasn't sweet enough, if you'd like th songs before Mr The Postman delivers, include a URL to a picture of "any fantastic animal" when you order from alcopop, and jack'll send you the linkage as soon as he sees it.

This, ladies and gentlefolk, is why we're better than other bands you may like.

alsos, and running the limit of how much information about a band people can absorb in one sitting; the excellent kevin j das has made us A PROPER WEBSITE at last. we've still got some things to fix and add, but we'll get round to that later. go lookee. thanks kevin!

ok cools. stay close, the next few months are fucking ours.

xlex

HAVE A COLLABULLATION!

DOT TO DOT, urghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.. so weve always wanted to play it, we were always whining about how we never got asked and then they asked us and someone along the line said yes without checking with us and if it was literally any other weekend we'd be there but this weekend is when kelly goes all mysterious and leaves the country. does any of you read comics? d'you know the boys? you know the female? yeh...

anyway, since we share a manager with sky larkin, some Shit went Down and now they've replaced us. you should go see / have been to see them. they have new songs and there fucking awesome-o.

so, seeing as the theme of this week seems to be weirded out versions of songs as apologies, this seems to be a gooderer time as any to introduce this bastard child (song) we gave birth to (recorded) after sexing (studio time) with this man called peach (yesterdays pupil) in south afri-car.

peach!


for those of you who are into this sort of technical studio knowhow, we recorded all our parts in the wrong order onto a computer machine using wires, coloured them in pretty hues, then peach put it next to a gameboy sound chip and did some suave magic transferrance till this came out.

thanks be to red bull studios in capetown for organising this up for us

JOHNNY FOREIGNER AND YESTERDAYS PUPILS ALL NEW JAZZ DIRECTION

k hope you like it. it's called with who, who and what i've got. i guess it should have a weird suffix like 8bit poesyou mix or something, but seeing as how we havnt recorded it normally yet, ettiquette dictates we call that one *standard rock version. normal service to be resumed on the 5th June for 2poor2pitch (tsch, grmmr) at the harely in shefshef.

goodluck kelly / bye

x