EXORCISM OF THE SELF

so, um americanada. hi there. as you may have seen leaked onto the interwebs, we have a few shows pencilled in for October. Truth be told, we have a decent run down the east coast and we're looking at practically at Canada and kinda more desperately optimistic at the west coast too. ITS LIKE ANOTHER COUNTRY COMPLETELY and finding shows that'll pay enough to justify flying over and paying for more backline hire is getting increasingly tricky. blerghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Anyway, (and this is where the rest of the world may start reading) all this dreaming is immaterial if we don't raise enough money to fly there in the first place, so here is todays super awesome news bomb.

presenting THE GREAT GET JOHNNY FOREIGNER TO AMERICANADA AUCTION 2012:

in which you guys get to buy awesome unique us - related artwork, and we then get to spend your money on plane tickets. this is definitely the best plan that ends with "we then spend your money on plane tickets" that you'll ever be involved in.

It's been kinda cool exorcising all this stuff to the internets. like old men who sell their war medals for cigarette money, only instead of cigarettes it's the holiday of their dreams, and they've already squeezed all the kudos and usefulness out of those medals anyway. and they also have perfect digital scans of them too. And noone is sad. This is a terrible metaphor.

What we're saying is we would rather live for the future (TOUR AMERICANADA) than accumulate scraps of memories designed for firing at other people in the first place. More news soon, but we've found an awesome US label that can sort us out with a van and someone to drive it and awesome bands to play with places to play and sleep and money to make more records, but only on the basis we can get out there in the first place.

So you guys, here is 2012's most Un-Kony crowd sourcing appeal. We've put up 16 different art packages from the last few years, all handmade unique original versions of things that ended up being record books, tshirts and things, as well as a couple of surprises. There's hopefully enough stuff to spread out so no-one has to pay OTT money, tho those with higher than average bank balances are encouraged to buy for other people as well as themselves.

1.) Grace and the Bigger Picture cover

2.) Grace and the Bigger Picture booklet pack (4 pieces) 1/5

3.) Grace and the Bigger Picture booklet pack (4 pieces) 2/5

4.) Grace and the Bigger Picture booklet pack (4 pieces) 3/5 (graces lyrics)

5.) Grace and the Bigger Picture booklet pack (4 pieces) 4/5

6.) Grace and the Bigger Picture booklet pack (4 pieces) 5/5

7.) Gin Dagger Cite her Bar Cut cover set (2 pieces)

8.) Feels Like Summer cover set (3 pieces)

9.) Criminals cover set (3 pieces)

10.) I Ghost JF Tshirt design

11.) Are You Hungry Now design (b&w)

12.) Ghost Vomit Eurotour design (b&w)

13.) South Africa tour poster

All the above are a4 photopaper sheets made by Lewes and are The Actual Ones Off Of The Record and whatnot.

13.) Arcs Across The City stage banner
a giant smelly heavy banner featuring (decayed) cover art

14.) Mystery snare skin (smaller than a floor tom skin)
15.) Mystery floor tom skin (bigger than a snare skin)

authentically toured and destroyed by junior, these found objects are waiting for YOU to tell us what to draw on them. if you win, that is. we specialise in fraudulent family crests. idk probably.

16.) look there are people like that out there and if we don't cater for them it's like we're dismissing their ability to function as part of the human race and since we're selling it anyway, we're not exactly high enough above them on the evolutionary scale to be proud about it anyway.

17.) kelly's pants. don't click that.

There spread across a couple of different accounts so treat this as a contents page, i guess.

So there you go, good luck and we hope that you all get what you want and the combined value of which puts america within practical distance. everything can be signed on request and if we're coming to your yard at any point on tour then you can pick it up. that may be quite a small chance, but we're announcing our UK dates in literally hours, so we'll throw in Guest list to any show for winning bids too.

Thanks for taking part anywayssss. This mass potential exchange of past for future is our friendly and less greedy homebrew version of kickstarter, and there's a fair chance it'll fail cos we weren't relentless or extortionate enough, but at the very least we'll be able to buy a big enough bowl to all cry in. forever.

xoxoxo

John Foreigner Mixtape Explosion is Number One!

our launch shows are going to be so rad. But! have you bought your significant other a ticket, knowing that he/she doesn't necessarily keep up with those funny little bands you like?

fear not, just download these songs and you can be like, babes, i made you a mixtape. the buy set option just goes to the alcopop store (this isn't really an alcopop release, we just can't let you all rinse our dropbox) so you have to dl each song seperately. don't you dare complain cos this is how i had to buy lifter pullers entire back cat, and this whole saving your relationship act of ours is FREE.

or, yknow, you can just dl it yrself and be alone forever, but with an awesome set of songs courtesy of the bands we're playing with this weekend and strong jack pop...

hey, also, before you hear the exclusive brand new unheard song of ours thats tacked on the end and accuse us of playing nice chords on acoustic guitars, you should know it was made entirely by robots.

the official JFvsE launch shows mixtape by alcopop

the scheeming tactical plot to all of this was to act as a last drive for ticket sales. only london is all souled out now. which leaves BIRMINGHAM THIS SUNDAY AT THE FLAPPER WITH STAGECOACH, SCREAMING MALDINI, CALORIES, ACE BUSHY STRIPTEASE AND THE STARRIES REUNION FOR ONLY EIGHT POUNDS JESUS FUCKING CHRIST BIRMINGHAM HOW ARE THERE STILL TICKETS LEFT FOR THIS I THOUGHT YOU GUYS WERE PAST THE CANT BE BOTHERED TO GO TO GIGS STAGE.

k if that wasn't enough mixtape options for you, go here for a free dlable compilation from all of us thanks to Gold Flake Paint, and here to see what i said after WHA?, when Q asked me for a playlist of "bands that were "probably big in japan"

i am so late for practice now you guys.

hands vs fangs

O GOD ITS BEEN SO LONG, ARE YOU STILL THERE?

i dont know if hyperproud is a real word but thats what we are. we can now start telling you stuff about our new record. it was recorded and mixed over a luxurious 5 month period, by our old friend dominique james, and it sounds perfect. it sounds like a huge expansive sprawling ambitious and personal version of us. it sounds like we do in our heads. it's called, johnny foreigner vs everything, and will be available november 7th on alcopop.

here is a cover:

that's not thee cover btw. technically, the finished product will have 2 covers. you'll find out more, soon.

i hate these writeups. i can't sum up, in terms soundbytey or otherwise, how it feels to have made real something thats spent the last 2 and a half years hanging round our heads as rough ideas, plans, sketches and shadows. we've genuinely been obsessed with making this record. there's a hole in my life between 2 and 5 am, cos all the lyrics are finished, all the arrangements solidified and the mixes complete.

idk. it felt like we took a massive gamble leaving our old label. sure, we're free to be tru punx forever and we have so much moral high ground we can see right down yr top, but oh, all that other-peoples-money. we knew we'd have to come back with a better record on a worse budget to justify our stance, and when all yr armed with is confidence in a bunch of songs noone's actually heard yet, it makes for a pretty righteous victory to listen back after half a years stress and sweat and ruined sleeping patterns and realise we've fucking achieved it.

both our previous records were made in new york, by expensive and established producers, in purpose built studios full of boxes that did clever things to sound we can't pronounce. we made this in birmingham, in a warehouse under the arches and dom's parents spare room. we've never had this much control over recording, or been able to take so long, or had a producer that grew up with us buying the same records at the same time and whose mother constantly fed us square and balanced meals.

this record is us, made by us. it doesn't feel like a gamble anymore, is what i'm stumbling around to. there's this quote

also related, this is now a thing. a promotional youtube up onto which we shall upload various video larks pertaining to aforementioned AWESOME NEW RECORD. don't expect anything to make much cohesive sense. we'll be adding more and more up till release date

kkk. so would you like to hear some songs then? WOULD YOU EVER!

here is our next release: (don't) show us your fangs by johnny foreigner

the hand that slaps you back by johnny foreigner

because we're awesome, (and, y'know, have bandcamp) there's a limited number of free downloads of (don't) show us your fangs here.

but, because YOU are awesome, we'd much rather you did this.

see, all the things that are better than frisbees were too impractical/expensive to do. srsly, you have no idea the logistical problems involved in baking a cookie around a cd and posting it around the world.

so strong jack pop has come up with an alternative:

sticker + single = stingle. here's lewes's awesome skateboard sticker design:

you can't see here, but it's like, totally cut out around the ghost shape. this is what happens when we source stuff out to professionals instead of gluing our hands together in the back of splitter vans like special children. so, for £1.50 anywhere around the world, you'll get two of these stickers and a url to download both songs.

also, competitititition:

it would greatly enlarge our egos if these stickers got stuck in prominent public places, such as the hands of big ben or your mothers face. so we have some signed exclusive awesome art prints and a super deluxe album pack to give away (it's too early for details, but trust us, they're going to be amazing and sell out) to those who send photo evidence of stickers stuck in the best places. it's not mandatory, we just get a buzz out of making people perform possibly illegal tasks for swag.

send photos to - johnnyforeigner@hotmail.co.uk, and title the mail "mentioning my mother was a step too far". we'll send out prizes on album release day.

aannnnnndddddd if that wasn't sweet enough, if you'd like th songs before Mr The Postman delivers, include a URL to a picture of "any fantastic animal" when you order from alcopop, and jack'll send you the linkage as soon as he sees it.

This, ladies and gentlefolk, is why we're better than other bands you may like.

alsos, and running the limit of how much information about a band people can absorb in one sitting; the excellent kevin j das has made us A PROPER WEBSITE at last. we've still got some things to fix and add, but we'll get round to that later. go lookee. thanks kevin!

ok cools. stay close, the next few months are fucking ours.

xlex

compilation time!

look at us being productive in uk daylight hours!

feels weird man.

anyway, by popular demand, here is a new epee on bandcamp for youwall

there when you need it

this is a scrapbook collection of everything we released last year that wasn't thru alcopop; here is an explanatory tracklisty:

1 with who, who and what i've got (springtime freebie)

2 a kings heath story (all new studio recording)

3 199x (old competition prize)

4 jfnv (old competition prize)

5 tru punx (whiskas remix)

6 santa fucking claus (christmas freebie)

7 yr loved, drummed (juniors remix)

its £4. what a bargain-potato.

remember our exorcism project? if this all wasn't good enough, everyone who buys this pack from in the next 2 weeks (up till 14/3) will be entered into a hypothetical prize hat to receive one of 15 all new plush neuroses as made by teh awesome sarah grayley.

okayssssss back to the world of making a new album, BYE!

Empire Records

is still one of my favourite films ever. The reason me and kelly went to work in a record shop. Its a pretty fairy story tale that never plays out in real life; indie record store threatened by The Man,and despite being woefully underfunded and staffed by slacker cliches, stages epic rock show, raises cash at last minute and stays TRU PUNX 4EVA.

this is our empire records moment.

. you know whats rubbish about being a small band? big companies. the kind of big companies that can swat you away and squish you without losing any sleep. sometimes they don't squish you tho. they just sign a publishing deal with you and offer you a couple of grand to buy flights and hotels and petrols should you get offered, say, an awesome US tour, then when you come to claim the money THEY DONT FUCKING EVEN BOTHER TO PICK UP THE FUCKING PHONE YOU RAT BASTARD CONNIEVING GREEDY CORPORATE FUCKHEADS.

um yeh. so we have no idea if they're avoiding us cos they know we're owed money, or they're on holiday spending our money, or they're planning on throwing a big party in toronto when we land and showering us with tourbuses and free guitar strings. even just showering us, would be a better situation than we've landed ourselves in now. IDK, maybe they're all round avril lavigne's house singing system of a down songs.

So we're coming to america alright. We guessed aforementioned Industry Cunts would find some excuse to delay paying us so we cleared our band account into juniors, put our personal savings, borrowed cash from our tour manager and our manager manager, and brought everyones tickets. American Airlines even charged us double by accident, meaning juniors bank account is a seething cauldron of debt and redness; but at least we have the tickets. What we don't have is hotel money, van hire money, driver hire money, petrol money, food money, merch-making money, don't even want to think about how we're going to afford the hitmen we want to hire now-money.

Anyways, so we've been panicing and pacing and comparing hitman quotes, realised we need to have some sort of garage sale. think of this as that tv show that goes into people's houses and sets up stalls outside selling their old crap to the rest of the street. We're a lot nicer than those people, our old crap isn't crap, and we have a waaaay more noble goal than trying to raise the cash to put auntie gladys in a home or get a kitchen extension with real wooden beams.

Here is some stuff for sale. virtual packages, if you will, from various points in our history.

Johnny Foreigner's Great Digital Goodwill Sale:

for £5 each:

We Left You Sleeping And Gone Now; Also....

(pre kelly home made country rock)

comprises:

"we left you sleeping and gone now" - 11 track album

"also..." 4 extra songs we made a week or so later

14 previously unseen hand made backdrops from when we used to have a projector

40 period photographs

copious self absorbed liner note waffle

Every Day Is A Constant Battle

(original recordings and demos)

comprises:

"every day is a constant battle" - 17 track pre-waited up demo compilation

21 previously unseen handmade backdrop things

27 period photographs and posters

all our pre - best before record art (including 3d polaroids and all 5 bullring covers)

more liner note waffles

For £4:

Johnny Foreigner Does Wichiten

High Quality Bootleg Audiovisual Setmenu:

8 songs recorded this summer as part of the Wichita Has A Week Long 10th Birthday Party celebrations at the Garage in LDN, featuring 3 totally new songs + cameos from the chaos horns and gareth and neil campesinos!

comprises:

full set shot with 2 Hi Res cameras from front of house and sound desk audio

mp3s of sound desk audio

danPOV package - see and hear but not smell the show, an interview and other fun larks thru the HD eyes of our tech dan

two extra bonus mp3s of acoustic live session songs

and for £2.50 each

Johnnyforeignerisaces (hearts edition)

ltd edition tour EP, 7 otherwise unavailable recordings, 24 period photos from juniors camera, and 2 awesome lush desktop wallpapers made in collaboration with World renown architect and Topshop founder Lewes Herriot.

Johnny Foreigner @ Wichiten

just the audio from our superfun LDN show (+ 2 acoustic songs)

so yeh. you can see full tracklistings for everything by clicking the respective links.

we're using bandcamp to distribute the music, everything else will be sent via the miracle of dropbox to yr email as soon as we see it. It'll be checked everyday from now until forever, so nothings going to get lost and delayed unless the government cuts off everyones internets.

Last of all, if you'd like to guarantee getting one of lewes's beautiful heart/america tour tshirts you can preorder by clicking here. They'll be sent off a week or so into the tour.

Tho we clearly can't stress enough the IF YOU DONT GIVE US YOUR MONEY THEN WE ARE COMPLETELY SCREWED, we're still old enough to remember spending £15.99 on joan of arc albums from tempest (rip), so asking a combined £16.50 for 49 songs and a bunch of video and home made arts stuff doesn't exactly feel like begging. still, look at our big eyes and silky fur. you know if you don't pay, we get put down right?

K cools. Whatever you give will go directly into the america fund, i was lying about the hitman. Thanks. back soon.

(TLDR : we're selling everything. go here and here and please please please all the gods in the world let us raise enough money to be able to actually do this tour.

stay close. xxxxxxx