Sunday, June 13, 2010

mutton dressed as lamb dressed as peacocks for the ball

i sometimes dj at a club night in a kinda posh kinda scummy lahhndaahhn town. last night this girl came up to the booth and says; "d'you know about indie rock then?"
i was like, "yeh, i guess i do" so she said, can you play that sex on fire song.

no, says i, i dont have it and its rubbish. she looks a bit peeved but goes away and carries on dancing, then comes back a few songs later; "do you have any scouting for girls?"

"jesus fucking christ no", i said.

"oh, well..", she says, turning to leave "you obviously dont know that much about indie rock then"

we just played the strangest show ever. exit calm and us and ou est le swimming pool and shy fx. i cant quite work out what we all have in common apart from, needing the fucking money. anyways, it was a graduation ball for an obscenely rich university. we played in a giant marquee on the grounds of the halls of residency. only, it wasnt halls, it was a converted castle, with a little stream and a tower and some beautiful brutalist 4 storey apartments, all on this fairy tale landscaped garden. there were salsa dancers and a string quartet and some babershop guys and stilt walkers and a jazz band and a 5 course dinner and a champagne bar and hanging laterns in the trees and uv underlights in the bushes, you get the idea. narnia.

i talked to some of the natives, mostly to avoid sitting in the world cup bar with 50 drunk and impossibly rich tuxedo'd boys screaming the name of our country at a giantsize plasma screen showing 22 other impossibly rich boys kicking a ball around the country i'm in love with. anyways, i tried to describe how mostly everyone i know who lives in halls has a scrotty bedroom and a shared kitchen in a block of dank grey flats and one of them snorted and pointed to the apartment block, to imply they were no better off. i swear to god, the only things that looked vaguely trampy were the way the bird seed for the peacocks had scattered on the lawns in front and the way a couple of rooms looked a little darker than the others. that cos when euan blair lived there, him and his bodyguard decided to pimp out their apartments with bullet proof glass.

we had a lighting guy for the day, our tour managers idea of a birthday treat for his housemate. he was dead good too, but his name is junior, which can be confusing in dark places. i tried to get everyone to call him two-nior, but it didnt catch on. thanks and happy birthday other junior!

really tho, a good time was had by all. about 30 of the 9000 people actually watched us play, which is probably the best student-ball kill ratio we've achieved. they all did this weird posh-kids-can't-dance shuffle and one of them, lets call him shinyfacedrentatux boy, walked on stage between songs to ask if we'd play "that one about moseley" but, honestly, we're probably the only real live indie band they've ever seen, and its not like yr born with a working knowledge of gig ettiquette.

also, this one girl said she'd seen us play with lc! a million years ago; and me and kel had lost our accents and it sucked we didnt play champagne girls. idk if the first is true and the second exploded my irony-meter in a manner illfitting for conversation with someone so academically superior.


i'm pretty sure i had greater arcing point to this, social worlds colliding and that, but its 4am and i have songs to write. thank you graduating class of goldney university 2010, please remember us when yr running the country.


Luke said...

I'd kill for that summer ball lineup, ours had Plan B and Chipmunk all for the perfectly reasonable price of £37 (i didn't go)

Ed said...

"The second exploded my irony-meter in a manner illfitting for conversation with someone so academically superior."

This makes me feel very worried about my oncoming university years...

Anonymous said...

If it makes you feel any better, I was one of the posh cunts shuffling and I thought you were decent - hence finding you online.
Good luck in the future, you'll be right.

Cameron said...

i bet princess indie-rock was so happy when her favourite band won the NME awards (every band). happy birthday to two-nior from me :)

Lee said...

Wow. With all that exaggeration going on in this entry you'd think we paid you yesterday for your creative writing abilities.

Anonymous said...

grumpy sod. i was there. thought you were alright until you called me 'posh'.

Tom Stephens said...

haha, i also met you in that lovely upstairs on the corner bar in that kinda posh kinda scummy town good sir!

next to you in the bar said...

Scathing. In all honesty though, there was some nob head sitting behind us who was shouting all the way through the footy. I think he was a rugby fan because he knew nothing.

Laura said...

Wow, someone has an insanely large, crucifiyingly heavy chip on their shoulder.

I hadn't realised being in an indie band qualified you to make arsehole short-sighted judgements about an entire student population based on observing all 30 of the people (out of 2000, btw) who came to watch you play.

alexei said...

actulol at some of these comments.
One by one:
Luke, yeh, i think i actually like some plan b songs so i'll say nothing.
Ed, as long as you don't ask a band to play a song that slags off people not a million miles away from yrself, then you have nothing to worry about.
Anon, thank you for the kind words.
Cameron, yeh, probably.
Lee, you sound like a horrible person. Thas quite an achievement to make with one disengenius sentence.
anon, im grumpy but in denial, yr posh and in denial, lets make a sitcom
Tom, yeh trinity reprezent.. Come ask me for sonic youth sometime
Laura, have you met lee? i hear he likes creative writing. i based our account on being there from 3 till midnight and y'know, hanging out with you all. I think the only generalisation i make is that yr all Quite Posh. Which y'all are. Unless you had a peasant tent somewhere off the map. I have no chip on my shoulder, it was a fucking amazing night for you guys and a fun show for us and maybe you should remember it for the sheer insane decadence and the pretty hangy tree lights, not some little indie band you never saw in th first place.. Get off the internet and go do something in yr life that justifies the education you've just recieved, hmmmm? Else no more ponies for you!

Ben Rausch said...

Nnnnoooo! Don't deprive them of their Poshponies!!!

Luke said...

No daddy not the ponies!

Anonymous said...

oh man.. angry angry. I didn't see you on account of you being a really boring band. As such, I didnt realise you guys cared enough about your music to come out with that torrent of lies :s

Chris said...

Hahaha boring!? Seriously? Please tell us some "exciting" bands that you listen to then anon.

Laura said...

Actually, I came from a below average state school in Sunderland and received a bursary whilst I studied for my degree. I have also never ridden a pony; shock horror.

I also happened to work very hard with 11 other amazing people for 9 months in my first year to organise that ball, which - by the way - raises thousands of pounds for charity every year.

I now work in fundraising, using the education I have to raise money and change lives.

Inverse snobbery like yours is equally as revolting as the generic kind you find in a minority of people studying at Bristol.

matil said...

Never have I had so much fun reading blogger comments!
I'm posh...but I like Johnny Foreigner so I think they cancel each other out.
And to all the angry people on here just be grateful they played at your stupid ball. I'd give my right arm for that.

Alice said...

Jeeez. Some people need to let go of their posh-ness and just enjoy the music.

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