i! refuse! to die in your arms!

yo! It's compliment christmas round here, so thanks for all the lovely words everyone. I STILL havnt got a copy of the record or the book or the shirt, but i hear noones drowned yet so everythings just great.

i wrote a bunch of stuff about our record and like, WHAT IT ALL MEANS, for DrownedInSound here.

the shirts are all sold out now, but you can still get the record with the book here. When it's all gone then we're going to put it online, but IT WON'T BE THE SAME.

anyway:::::::::

there's been some changes to our party shows this coming weekend.

changes of the GOOD+ kind

London This Saturday 5 - 10pm: Instead of Echo Lake, we have My First Tooth, Pandas & People, and cakes made by internet celebrity Julia Christmas and her mum.

Birmingham This Sunday 5 -10.30pm: Richard Burke is bringing a band. Not just any band, tho, THEE birmingham indie rock band. They're called The Starries. i'm pretty sure this reunion won't mean as much to any of you as it does to me and kel, but they're one of our favourite bands ever. we wouldn't exist were it not for these guys.

obviously we're fated never to sell out in birmingham, even if we have Stagecoach, Screaming Maldini, Calories, Ace Bushy Striptease, and The Fucking Starries supporting us, so, TICKETSSS

- those are nice posters, you are thinking. - they should print them up big and sell them exclusively at the shows.

OH OK THEN. first come first served at shows. if we have any left then a) my hypothetical internal dialogue sensor is bust and b) we'll put them on the merch store. Or paper our studio, idk. look out for another launch show present later this week.

early doors cos there's so many bands, early curfews cos of trains and so on and THESE ARE GOING TO BE THE SICKEST SHOWS EVER so come roadtrip.

stay close xlex

Press Release

I fucking hate press releases. There's nothing more embarrassing than the language of jaded PR guys trying to hype stuff to jaded press guys. It's like hyperbole top trumps, with modifiers for how bitter each player is.

I'm almost 80% bitter, and for a long time i found the best/worst examples of press releases hilarious. Sometimes they'd come from experienced adults convinced that a few snazzy adjectives and a very liberal approach to what exactly constitutes "national radio airplay" would convince, and sometimes they'd come from the bands themselves, a sort of desperate grammatical nightmare parody full of unfulfillable promises to outshine their idols. (ps our singers left now but WE STILL ROCK!!!!!!) I don't read them anymore. I did one too many, i read one for a friends (awesome) band that made me burst out laughing and something broke in my head.

What made it worse is that this band were not new or trying especially to break new ground. They'd just had the misfortune to have someone who employed someone who employed someone who thought it'd be best to sell them in time honoured hyperbole manner, and, as a result, everyone on their industry mailing list had been sent 3 paragraphs that made these gentle unpretentious musicians look like some bastard cross between lads-on-tour and improv feedback nights, when, y'know, they sound like pavement like the rest of us.

i think this is irony: the point of press releases is to show how ass achingly relevant the act is, but the language has evolved to the point that whatever they're promoting almost become irrelevant. It's the wave of hype and presales that drives the industry, and it's pretty much unavoidable.

So yeh, they're fucked from the outset cos everyone writing them has to outbullshit each other, and they're fucked at the end because the people that have to read them generally have a lot more experience reading them and dismantling the bullshit. All press releases should be standardised into a multiple choice questionnaire and being dishonest on it should mean losing a finger. Here you are, music industry, i've done it for you:

for the artist:

please clearly print the name of your act.

what are you promoting (tour/new music/rerelease/pretentious gimmick)

do you feel it's a significant improvement over your previous attempts

(yes/no/pretty much more of the same)

are you photogenic (yes/no/specialist only)

Do you have any media exploitable ties eg famous father/celebrity partner (yes/no/no but open to negotiation)

How important is this release in relation to sustaining a career (make or break time/doing it for the love/just a little something for the fans)

Are you aware of the power the press has over your career? (yes, we try do our own pr/whatevs, it's just about the music man/just try it darling i'm going to be star)

How do you take to public criticism (I ignores all my press/I will be snidey on my blog/I will blackball you and everyone you work with)

For the management

Am I going to gain social kudos by dropping this information into conversation?

(yes totally, a lot of people more important and powerful than yourself already are/maybe if you use phrases such as "underrated" or "up and coming"/absolutely not, people will think you're weird)

Do you think this venture is going to be a success?

(guaranteed money maker/bit of a gamble/i honestly couldn't care less)

What is the chance of any exploitable and quotable negative occurrence during this venture eg police arrest/drug overdose?

(nothing, all danger is carefully stagemanaged/might push a suicide attempt out if things go mainstream/it's like a fucking timebomb thats going to shoot out shards of tabloid-orgasm)

If i choose not to publicise this act, how will it affect future relationships between us?

(that's perfectly fine, one must be true to self/well don't expect any favours if things go well/i will blackball you and everyone you work with)

Awesome. Solving the problems of the music business one joint at a time. Unfortuate that we can't go back in time and plant this so it comes into effect at the point before i start finding things that used to be funny sad, and get all depressed that i'm getting old and am still impatient at the world.

Anyway, the point of this whole post is this: Long times ago, we decided that there should be one over-riding factor that should dictate how all press releases are written: you shouldn't be ashamed to show it to your fans. Cos they're the ones who'll see the most holes; who'll know which bits are exaggeration and whats conspicuous by its absence. If they can read it and not cringe, then you can be sure that the message yr sending is in on the same frequency as those meant to recieve it.

In our experience, at least 60% of press cuttings about our band come directly from our press releases. So yeh. We havn't really done one for a while, we're in a pretty lucky position, the first time since ever, of having a pr guy and a label and management that we trust to speak on our behalf. Until last week when said management suggest that, with all the regional press we've done and with New Fun coming up, we could probably do with one, cos, apparently, not everyone in the world knows who we are yet.

So, as per old dictum, here preserved is our official press release thing. Please read and not cringe.

Hello. This is supposed to be one of those awkward 3rd person resumes that read like a CV whilst attempting to convince you how vital and relevant the band is. I've wasted many curious, then morbidly curious hours reading band press releases; I guess if yr reading this then you have too, and you've long since become immune to the hyperbole and wary of the language of omission. There's nothing here that isn't google-able for more detail or opinions, and we'd hope to be judged on our band and not our ability to write convincing prose. So with that in mind, here is me trying to write an unbiased and neutral summary of something that means more to me and my two friends than anything else, ever, ever. Fuck the 3rd person tho.

Our band is called Johnny Foreigner. We're from Birmingham. You can read what you want into that. We've been a band since 2006. We've released 5 eps, 2 albums and 10 singles. We've lost track of how many shows we've played. We've toured in 4 continents, done enough major festivals to impress girls and guitar techs alike, been wowed and appalled by The Music Biz and we're still here, bedazzled by what we've achieved and in love with the future.

We play what we'd mostly describe as college rock, with occasional bursts of electronica or alt-country or anything else that seems like a good idea at 5 in the morning. We're at that 3rd album stage where we're learning to relax, but we're also learning to be more abrasive. I quite don't know why I feel so obliged to point that out; but so many of the bands we've loved have got to this point and lost their spark, and from our completely subjective viewpoint at least, we still have demons to exorcise.

We write songs about our lives and the things that occur around us. It's the same dull everyday (or mostly night) things that pass through everyone's mind, only more overdramatic. girls, drink, distance, closeness, hope and defeat. We don't think too hard about how songs are going to sound.

Our artwork is always drawn by our friend lewes herriot. You may have realised we have a theme.

We seem to garner a lot of press from the way we treat our fans and how open we are about the machinations of the industry we exist in. We grew up on limited edition glittery 7"s, american imports, record store gossip and pre-broadband downloads. Being young and in love with our favourite bands was like being in a gang, the shows like joyous drunken family reunions. Being able to soundtrack peoples lives is an amazing privilege, and the bands were always at the least courteous and friendly as we'd shakily mumble thanks for a signed setlist. We've been on the other side of the barrier for a while now and it never gets any less flattering. The best bands feel personal, and it's no parlour trick or marketing campaign. We're using the same channels available to everyone else, and I think it's pretty sad that we stick out mostly thru lack of competition; To our minds, this is what a band should do.

We release our records with Alcopop. When our last label became a mess of corporate facepalm, we avoided the subject for a year. We put a record out ourselves, paid for by presales. Like bitter divorcees, we talked about how we didn't need anyone else. We were right but we were lonely. We've always had respect for Alcopop and BSM, we're in love with many of their bands. We share some good friends and everything we heard about Jack made us want to be on their roster. He understands what we're doing and why, and, less personally, sees the decline of The Music Industry and value of songs as an excuse to put more effort and imagination and FUN into the end physical product. Alcopop are everthing we'd want from a record label apart from A Giant Bag of Someone Else's Money; but we've all been broke since long before we started this.

In as much as we plan ahead, this year we'll be touring the UK, then mainland Europe, then releasing our 3rd album. For once, the name has come first but it would be jinxing everything to tell anyone just yet. It's going to be awesome tho.

Thanks for taking an interest, I hope you are convinced.

cones as boathangers

guys its fucking happened again. gig-raped. see this? guess who never agreed to the show? we were all like; "topshop? urrr we'll get back to you on that one..."

instead of throwing our toys out the pram again, thought it might as well be interactive band time. SO, you beautiful wise people to which we entrust so much, tell us right here, should we play the show? here are some points to aid you:

pros

1) the custard factory is literally the next block from our studio. we could walk our entire backline there in about 15 minutes.

2) frankie and his heartstrings are super lovely people and always fun to hang out with.

3) the tickets are the same price as a text message

4) it might be outside over the pool. do they still do that? that'd be a pretty sweet evening.

5) huw stephens made the mix cd they're playing inbetween bands.

5) the posters are already up!

cons

1) we're not being paid for it

2) its right in the middle of when juniors out of IRL work, so we'd planned bulk work our album. we'd lose a few days to rehearse a set. or maybe a day if we just play new songs.

3) its topshop. its student party written in wacky font.

4) it might be inside the med bar. do they still do that? that'd be a pretty horrendous sounding evening.

5) we never said yes, godsdammit.

so tell us lovers, if you were us, WHAT DO WE DO? people of birmingham, for once, you count for double.. topshop have been pretty kind to us in the past, which should count for something even if it is brand cross pollination at its most crass. i doubt anyone at topshop knows or cares that we all think people that try and buy into a culture via massmarket branded clothing are fucking idiots.

kinda pissed off we're expected to do it for free but practically we can do it cheap, and it's pretty much free to get in which counts for a lot (especially if we can sort out merch for then)

so having donned our haircuts and made a decision as to THE RIGHT THING TO DO, please click here to go back to where you came from and commentthing yr answer underneath our statusthing. we'll make a pie chart of the results and eat the biggest slice..

thank you in advance and i hope yr all having a fun sunday. i've just discovered this:

and will be spending the rest of the night finishing the first series and pretending not to refresh facebook.

xlex

long way around the sea.

im starting to worry that i'll forget how to feel loved. fsdnosgnwoesvdiovsiovdyhnjm.

you know when you tumblr stalk people and you realise the whole site is basically one big repost that says "ohai i have liek, no confidence, plz tell me my boob-hinty self shot makes me just as attractive as the last girl to do a boob-hinty self shot and if not here's someone else's photograph of some brand i identify with only taken with the contrast up because i am quite artistic and appreciate colours"?

do you ever think, when we're all like, 50 years old with real jobs, that all our neuroses will have been vanquished as a result of such mass digital catharsis, and we'll be all the more balanced and responsible people for it and thus improve humanity?

i thought i should fill some space here cos it looks like we died on the way to america. we nearly did, but thats another story. like, a 12 page tour diary i've just finished and need wing-arm to proof read. so, here is a bullet point list of the kool things we have done since i last wrote here

- america (obviously)

- was huge and brilliant and one of the few places where epic is not hyperbole. THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone who bought stuff off our internet shops; you paid for the first legs deposit on the van and some buffalo wings. Those who went above and beyonds, we have a file on you and you'll get some kind of non-monitary reward at some points. ridiculously text heavy tour diary also coming soon.

- our split 7" with stagecoach came out.

- lewes did an art-off with secretly swedish and it came out beautiful. we contributed a song called tru punx don't get 2 choose, the title got cut along the line somewhere, presumably by the Grammar Police, and a barbershopified version of good luck with your 45

, which took about a 90 years for me to mix properly because none of our babs were in time and cool edit went mental and destroyed the piano sounds (tho i think that made them better). Stagecoach do a song called not even giles, its probably their best song ever and has 63 different catchy bits, and a cover of salt pepa which glides and floats and is infinitely better than them internet acoustic covers. I guess im mostly preaching to the converted, but, if not: BUY IT. all the reviews have been rad too, not that such things should matter to those with their own ears.

- its AWESOME CAKE TIME:

- we played phizz fest in wimbledon, it was fun and games but being broke meant using the inhouse sound man, which is fine unless they're a complete mentalist like this guy. does anyone remember ozric tentacles? me neither, but this guy used to be one, an

d seems all the worse for it now. i don't want to write a para telling sad tales about the behaviour of some old hippie casualty but i'd recommend bands play at the grove and experience this broken storm of a man.

- our EP came out. well, slowly. the cds are all done and ready and come with a little photoghost, the 12" are sitting in the corner of wing-arm and frobots front room being turned from black canvases to handmade works of amazement.

We totally didn't think this project out. each record sleeve, from start to finish, takes about 20-25 mins to make. We have 500. urkz! luckily we have plenty of van time to production line ourselves. 150 have already gone to alcopop hq, so preorders there should be fulfilled soon, and we're trying for another 100 this week for our distributor, so if you've preordered from somewhere else then maybe yours is the next one i write.

It's kinda sad in a way, i wish we could gallery them for a while, cos they look so impressive lined up on the floor, but no-ones ever going to see more than a few in the same place.

Anyway, im picking up the last sets of photos from wichita next week, so then we'll do all the prize work for everyone. This also has awesome reviews for those of you who still buy music based on decimal scoring, so thank you all you journalisty types. for sure, we're #betterthanthebeatles. Seem to have done a million interviews too, and none of them have been shit, so im sure you'll be pleased to read some more rambly gubbins elsewhere. these are probably my favourites, interviews are getting fun: 1998 loaded magazine bloke test style and pictionary style (also, audience pictionary style)

- We did a Brand New Song for gold flake paint and played it in a freezing cold art gallery in bristol. Its called, a kings heath story and is about snow and stuff. you can see our dan branching out into the world of live percussion too. it should be up next week, meantimes here are words cos i know you like it like that.

i walked out when it ended on addison road where the cozy hearts were stowed. took yr parents whisky and yr bad advice and the bottle smashed on the ice. and we'll make the best with the heat thats left. we could shut ourselves in, i can't stay i can't stay awake. we should cover our tracks but the snows covered everything. blanketed, glistening, is this heaven for you. i walked out in the blizzard and i got soaked to the skin. from the outside looking in, the glow of the tv and the frosted glass and a shiver that won't last. and we'll stay under the blankets till we see the beams of searchlights silhouetting snowflakes against the roofs of old friends houses

- our youkay tour is almost over, just southampton tomorrow and then up to scotland in the heatwave. Thanks to everyone braving the weather for coming out, its been awesome and sweat-filled as ever. If you live in london then you clearly need to know about this SUPER RAD END OF TOUR/YEAR PARTY thats been added on, 13th december. o shit also, dom who does our recordings is doing our sound on this tour, and LOOK WHO HE MET ON HIS DAY OFF!

legendville. he wussed out about asking his opinions of joan of arcs album campaign which would have been interesting to hear. but still, jealous.

we gave ourselves transformer names. im flywheel, kelly is wing-arm (to be reborn mallet) and junior is frobot. dan has one too but it's so offensive that when i told everyone i'd mentioned it in an email interview they were kinda shocked. so if anyone can think up a new name for dan, that'd save us the time we really need to spend time drawing then cutting then scribbling then marking then glueing then pressing then taping then writing then labelling then packing then reboxing

.

k hope everyone is keeping warmer than i am. you can buy both our new records direct from our label right here

xx

mutton dressed as lamb dressed as peacocks for the ball

i sometimes dj at a club night in a kinda posh kinda scummy lahhndaahhn town. last night this girl came up to the booth and says; "d'you know about indie rock then?"
i was like, "yeh, i guess i do" so she said, can you play that sex on fire song.

no, says i, i dont have it and its rubbish. she looks a bit peeved but goes away and carries on dancing, then comes back a few songs later; "do you have any scouting for girls?"

"jesus fucking christ no", i said.

"oh, well..", she says, turning to leave "you obviously dont know that much about indie rock then"

we just played the strangest show ever. exit calm and us and ou est le swimming pool and shy fx. i cant quite work out what we all have in common apart from, needing the fucking money. anyways, it was a graduation ball for an obscenely rich university. we played in a giant marquee on the grounds of the halls of residency. only, it wasnt halls, it was a converted castle, with a little stream and a tower and some beautiful brutalist 4 storey apartments, all on this fairy tale landscaped garden. there were salsa dancers and a string quartet and some babershop guys and stilt walkers and a jazz band and a 5 course dinner and a champagne bar and hanging laterns in the trees and uv underlights in the bushes, you get the idea. narnia.



i talked to some of the natives, mostly to avoid sitting in the world cup bar with 50 drunk and impossibly rich tuxedo'd boys screaming the name of our country at a giantsize plasma screen showing 22 other impossibly rich boys kicking a ball around the country i'm in love with. anyways, i tried to describe how mostly everyone i know who lives in halls has a scrotty bedroom and a shared kitchen in a block of dank grey flats and one of them snorted and pointed to the apartment block, to imply they were no better off. i swear to god, the only things that looked vaguely trampy were the way the bird seed for the peacocks had scattered on the lawns in front and the way a couple of rooms looked a little darker than the others. that cos when euan blair lived there, him and his bodyguard decided to pimp out their apartments with bullet proof glass.

we had a lighting guy for the day, our tour managers idea of a birthday treat for his housemate. he was dead good too, but his name is junior, which can be confusing in dark places. i tried to get everyone to call him two-nior, but it didnt catch on. thanks and happy birthday other junior!

really tho, a good time was had by all. about 30 of the 9000 people actually watched us play, which is probably the best student-ball kill ratio we've achieved. they all did this weird posh-kids-can't-dance shuffle and one of them, lets call him shinyfacedrentatux boy, walked on stage between songs to ask if we'd play "that one about moseley" but, honestly, we're probably the only real live indie band they've ever seen, and its not like yr born with a working knowledge of gig ettiquette.

also, this one girl said she'd seen us play with lc! a million years ago; and me and kel had lost our accents and it sucked we didnt play champagne girls. idk if the first is true and the second exploded my irony-meter in a manner illfitting for conversation with someone so academically superior.

this is francis, our tour manager and sound dude. he's from america. USA! YANK! HA WE KICKED A GOAL IN YOU IN THE 4TH MINUTE WERE GOING TO BEAT YOU EASY IINGERLANDDD IIIIINNNNGGGGEEEERRRRLLLLLAAAANNNNDDDDD FUCCKKKK YYYYEAHHHH O OO oh. ohnoes!

i'm pretty sure i had greater arcing point to this, social worlds colliding and that, but its 4am and i have songs to write. thank you graduating class of goldney university 2010, please remember us when yr running the country.