hey there overseas

k, just quickly
1) are you american or canadian and not on our mailing list? no? you div, read this and see why you should be

2) are you in australia? then eat this!

massive thanks to matilda for setting this up for no reason apart from SHE CARES. we = super flattered.


and thankee for all the kind words about us and peaches song. busy busy yum yum
OK THATS IT, ilu interweb

HAVE A COLLABULLATION!

DOT TO DOT, urghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.. so weve always wanted to play it, we were always whining about how we never got asked and then they asked us and someone along the line said yes without checking with us and if it was literally any other weekend we'd be there but this weekend is when kelly goes all mysterious and leaves the country. does any of you read comics? d'you know the boys? you know the female? yeh...

anyway, since we share a manager with sky larkin, some Shit went Down and now they've replaced us. you should go see / have been to see them. they have new songs and there fucking awesome-o.

so, seeing as the theme of this week seems to be weirded out versions of songs as apologies, this seems to be a gooderer time as any to introduce this bastard child (song) we gave birth to (recorded) after sexing (studio time) with this man called peach (yesterdays pupil) in south afri-car.

peach!


for those of you who are into this sort of technical studio knowhow, we recorded all our parts in the wrong order onto a computer machine using wires, coloured them in pretty hues, then peach put it next to a gameboy sound chip and did some suave magic transferrance till this came out.

thanks be to red bull studios in capetown for organising this up for us

JOHNNY FOREIGNER AND YESTERDAYS PUPILS ALL NEW JAZZ DIRECTION

k hope you like it. it's called with who, who and what i've got. i guess it should have a weird suffix like 8bit poesyou mix or something, but seeing as how we havnt recorded it normally yet, ettiquette dictates we call that one *standard rock version. normal service to be resumed on the 5th June for 2poor2pitch (tsch, grmmr) at the harely in shefshef.

goodluck kelly / bye

x

NEWS BO-OMB

hello. if we were a club, then this would be the newsletter.

1) every cloakroom ever. OMG we are soooooooooooooo sorry about keeping everyone waiting for this. there was a flood! locusts! and a load of stuff that was out of our hands. BUT this weekend both the test pressing and cover turned up (can you find yrself?) and we've okayed them cos they're excellent and they'll be cloned this week. YAY BACTA TANKS

so, expect yr awesome 45rpm 10" (geek hi5 plz) within a couple of weeks. ALSO, to keep you all from thinking, why did i ever care about johnny foreigner anyway, everyone on the list will be sent a BRAND SORT OF NEW song called kelly watches the coast. its sort of a remix but not really. you'll see. check yr inboxes (inboxi) in a few days. sweet.

2)gigs! our summer schedule is pretty much in place now, you can see it here or most likely here or even perhaps here. our next show is headlining the saturday of 2poor2pitch at the harley in sheffield. yay sheffield!

3) americahhhhhhhhhhh/canadarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. thanks so much for yr informative emails, its totally helped us build a picture of where we want to be and who we need to speak to. i know we still havnt written back to everyone, we're still assimilating all the details. planning mode for autumn (FALL!) tour will be engaged soon. aces.

4) safricaaaaaaaaaaaa we want to come and make our next album in you. for reals. octynov time? can we have a million rand for flights plz?

kcool, more news soons!

traaaaaaaaaaaaaa

half past america

prologue


hi all. if yr not from america or canada, then there's not much point reading this. srs, its just a big lunp of text that will do nothing for you. having said that, writing such a warning is probably going to make you read it more out of curiosity. so, read it, and then trust us next time k?


if yr from canada, then you should read this and substitute mentions of america for canada wherever possible. sorry, yr in this too but im just trying to save on text. i realise this might be a massive cultural faux-pas, but whenever we've thought of touring america, canadas always been part of that. yr like the cherry on our mental tourmap cake.


sweet?
essay tiem nao.


k right, easily thee most frustrating message we've received in the last few months, about 100 times, over every Digital Social Interaction Media we have, goes like this:

Hi! i love your band! you should come to [insert name of american city/town/state] and play a show!


we're fucking tearing our hairs out.

a good 80% of the music we listen to comes from america. half our mailing lists are american. most of our facebook interactions (SRS BZNZ) are with americansss. we made 2 albums there, played some of our most fun ever shows there (hi rob!) and even once waited in a courtyard in texas for tim kinsella cos he told us he'd be right back, and we've hung out outside the holdsteadys rehearsal room just long enough to look suspicious. also, slightly obscure canada reference, i used to have a job handing out pamphlets in a road called albert street. ANYWAYS, we want to go tour there so bad we've resorted to flippantly replying, sure, buy us plane tickets and we're there. srsly, we're asking kids we've never met to buy us airfare, in the vain hope that one'll be super rich and take us up.

PLEASE AMERICA, WE HATE THE BEATLES AND KASABIAN AND ELLIE GOULDING. WE WANT TO PLAY THE STAGES THAT THE PIXIES AND THE PLAN GREW UP ON AND WE'RE STUCK IN THE COUNTRY OF THE FUCKING COURTEENERS BEING DECLARED THE FUTURE. seriously, the day mark linkous died, the nme, our countries most famous music rag and funded by a hair gel company, gave an award to paul weller.

so, let this post be the end of the frustration period and the start of Actual Positive Action. we are like, TOTALLY coming to america. somehow.

we toured ireland this year, and, it was kinda awful. lovely people,like, but no promotion, no excitement, we've never felt so much like we were being processed thru the system. financially and morally, it was a major fail. and then we went to south africa and played thee most perfect fun tour ever, and it completely hammered home the value of punk ethics we'd kinda forgotten about, what with agents and cone-tracts and barfly tours.

sorry, im rambling, but there is a point. we want to build some kind of giant box of information
so we can plan a tour that will be perfect and amazing and not land us homeless in some lonely state, playing to a dozen random people who possibly have never heard of pavement, and make us wish we'd spent the airfare on water bills or rent or something.

and this is where you come in, mr/ms "hi come play my town plz". in a probably unprecedented level of demographic interaction, we'd like to hear from all of you lovely eager people. please write to us. tell us where you live, what venues you go to, what the shows are like, what local bands you think we'd fit a bill with, etc etcy... be as detailed or as vague as you like, we'll read everything and reply to everyone. if you know any local promotors/labels/distros, general Good People to know For This Sort of Thing, then send us their details too. plz nothing like YOU SHOULD TOUR WITH LC!!!! stuff, cos, although its true and just, we have as little say in that as you do and we want to concentrate on practical, achieveable stuff like persauding sam zurich to let us crash his house

when we have this big sack of mail then we can sit down with a big map and start pinning little flags in. although we'll more likely use Teh Internetzz, which worries me slightly cos i dont know how you do that neat split window thing on windows 7, and that'd probably be pretty handy.

but yeh, hopfully this right here is the start of something superawesome. involving like, promo tshirts and free stickers at last and superawesome guerilla ad campaigns where we get you to graffitti ghosts and the words "the english are coming" in public places in return for a goody bag and a toasting. too far?

anyways, it starts like this.

please write to:

johnnyforeigner@hotmail.co.uk

and put team america/SRS BZNZ as the subject header so we dont lose it amongst offers for cheap nikes or late notices from our studio.

tldr?

if you want us to come and play in yr town in america or canada, please write us stuff about yr scene or venues or whatever and send it to the above email. then we'll collate all this stuff into a big paper maiche house and dance about in it. awesomes.

thanks for yr time, and, with a bit of luck, see you soon..

by request....

i don't know whats worse, my enunciation or my handwriting, but anyway, words for the two new songs on the every cloakroom ever e.p. click on them and they grow bigger, like rubbish tamagotchis.

for the chains:




things i would have swapped for heart shaped sunglasses, 2001 - 06:


feel free to sing along at home to yrself or make weird acoustic versions to put on the internet for our amusement.
also, i still actually would actually like some heart shaped sunglasses, actually.
kthxby!

no pants and other tales fom south africa

THE GREATEST AIRLINE IN THE WORLD

we didnt mention it at the time, but, when we landed in cape town and all our clothes and instruments didn't, we declared war on KLM, our airline. losing our bags is kinda unfortunate but a risk you generally get used to, being treated so impersonally over an £1800 arrangement isnt. ANYWAY, the morning after our stellenbosch show the 5 of us drove to the airport to fly to joberg, and we had the best flight ever.

kulula are so laid back and friendly, it was the most alien ive felt in a foreign country for ages. our gear was loaded on the plane with no hint of excess charges or damage warnings, the inflight trolley sold real food at normal prices, and the pilot used the intercom to talk to the passengers like he was their dad taking them out for a joyride. i had a row of seats to myself so i was mostly asleep, but i did hear
"if you get bored you could read the safety instructions. thats serious buisness"
"i'm sorry we didnt pack enough meat sandwiches"
and
"now flying over joburg, i'm locking the doors"
amazing. I'm going to ask them for sponsorship.

anyway, we landed and had to wait for ben to fetch the spare keys to his car on accout of having left the actual keys in a cubbyhole as a result of smoking too much because of us smoking so much. It was fine tho, we did what all touring bands do when stuck and watched southpark, stopping only when our laptop and us nearly got run over by some dude stealing a mercedes and driving up the kerb leaving us and a load of police with guns drawn looking angry.

we excused ourselves and took a sleep deprived trip to the glam world of SHOWBIZ TELLY. MK is like MTV for south africa, srs bznz, we rehearsed each song 3 times, did mock interviews and walkons, did makeup, made small talk with underwear-deprived presenter lady, and then went on in a sleep deprived hustle like presidents being taken to the last helicopter out of the blast radius.

it was kinda awkward, like an instore only with super bright lights. my guitar broke for a bit, to make up for it, i did bunny ears behind the presenter. swings and roundabounts innit.



massive love for teh kidss what came down to watch us, especially him with the carpool plan and her with the awesome quality homemade tshirt


we did another thing called my mk celeb, in which we pick the top ten music videos, like, EVER. we were super excited till we read the list, so we just picked the bands we'd heard of. watch it, if you like hearing us talk about things we know very little..

and then we went back to bens amazing big house and ate nandos and collapsed asleep on sofas. actually i made a painstakingly perfect bed out of a pile of blankets and pillows and it was ace..