The difference between girls who wore leopard print then and wear leopard print now

Ayo, the yookay. I seriously taught Madness's manager how to spell saxophone tonight. Most of their fans think it's a trumpet anyway.

ANYWAY New Slang/Banquet is the greatest record store/ indie label/ show makers in the country and we're super stoked to announce our first show of 2013 with them.

I think it's our 7th New Slang? maybe 8th? 9 seems to high. unless you count shows at the Fighting Cocks and Banquets Big Day Out. We are so very, very old. Wevs, ignore the past, embrace the future:

lewes is hiding behind the red.

Support comes from Playlounge, who are sort of ok if you like that sort of thing i guess*, and Dragons That Make Love To Pandas,who we've never heard but feature Mark Rochman off of the internet.

TICKETS AND DETAILS HERE. They call us, cynical indie rock. I'm so stealing that.

*playlounge are fucking awesome.

SEE YOU THEN KINGSTON!



xoxo

second city trauma zone

So it seems like some horrible tradition that every time we return to brummagem after an overseas adventure, there's another historic and awesome local venue shutting down/about to be shut down/scared of being shut down.

This time it's the Hare and Hounds in Kings Heath. I've been watching and playing shows in that building since 1995. jesus. It's now one of the best stages and rooms in the city, with gigs run by a lovely bunch of people who work hard for it AND understand not only how important smaller venues like this are to our bedraggled local musical community, but to the massive global scene of established touring bands that can't guarantee 500 people to every show.

And now they're scared cos someone's trying to build residential nearby, and our shitty council has a reputation of favouring noise complaints over culture/music/scene/happiness of population.

This sucks for sure, i'm signing the petition and if you live in Bham and care about your community then you probably should too.

BUT SERIOUSLY

Why should we have to? Why should we consistently have to be so scared and wary. Fuck, I'd like to build a flat next to the hare. I'd like to build flats next to all my favourite venues so i have less distance to my own bed and can have bitchin afterparties in my kitchen.


Our council sold us out years ago when we got bullring. We just wanted a clean shopping centre, with lights that worked. We got (for like, 6 months, thanks spain) Europes Largest Shopping Hub. (The lights still flicker tho)

That was a massive investment, and to keep that reputation, those high end chain stores in business and paying the rent, Birmingham went all snog marry avoid, stripped the grime from its face and tried to fool the rest of the country into thinking it was some kind of culturally aware rennaisance town. The words "trendy" and "upwardly mobile" were probably used at demographic appropriation meetings.

We (as in the city council, me personally was mostly taking pills and listening to Chicago bands) tried to lure people from the rest of the country in with a succession of reasonable priced (for them LOL) high rise flats within stumbling distance of bullring; like a less dramatic (more brummy) version of the hacinda, the eastside punk scene was systematically replaced over a couple of years by a bunch of apartments with a picture of a guitar on their corporate branding.

Even the Rotunda, an epic start to finish story of civic fail and the most iconic piece of skyline we can claim, had false walls and extra toilets installed so customers people could live inside it.

What had been a derelict dingy mess full of discount stores and boarded up failures literally became the new city centre. The old city centre, Corporation Street and surroundings, became a derelict dingy mess full of discount stores and boarded up failures, but if yr one of Birminghams trendy and upwardly mobile new recruits, you can live in your flat, spend your money in the shiny bullring, and never even see the weird  grey deathsprawl that lies north of New St station.

Urgh and really there's no point me whining about it anymore. This is what cities do now. cheap space gets filled by people with no money> people with no money make the best art> cheap space gains reputation from art and becomes expensive space>artists move out

all our council did was encourage the shortening of that cycle cos they realised people with multiple credit cards were more likely to buy expensive sushi and seasonal fashion than a bunch of hobos and punks with embarrassing accents. and, y'know, CHEAP LAND.

this is how cities work now.

so i find petitions like this, no matter how needed, desperately embarrassing. a petition against a proposal for a possible flat to be filled with person or persons unknown that might be selfish idiots. After all those guys and girls have worked for, all the promotion and the hours and sheer love over money mindset that's meant the Hare now has a reputation outside of 0121, they don't even know the name of the idiot thats going to fuck them.

The selling point of city centre living is, city centre living. Like, you live amidst the buzz and excitement and clamour and noise. The arrogance of someone who would move into a flat on Westside and complain about the Rainbow, or opposite the Hare and complain about loud music, frankly, astounds me darling. These are the people we should be specifically targeting and petitioning. - WHY DID YOU MOVE HERE? WE, THE UNDERSIGNED, THINK YOU ARE AN IDIOT AND SHOULD MOVE SOMEWHERE MORE SUITABLE. WE WERE HERE FIRST.

Because the council's always fucked us over, and the worse the economy gets, the larger the deathsprawl, the less incentive they have to invest in art and culture and anything that may or may not see a return in 5/10 years time. They'll always side with the noise complaint idiots. It's not that they don't want us, they just need that idiots money cos we spend all ours on guitars and vodka and gig tickets. This is what our cities are now.

I think the flat will get built. Cos they always get built in the end, and i am a negative person.

but i do think there's good and reason in every human being ever, and i can't help notice how anonymous the constant barrage of threats and closures and license removals are. Has any of us, ever tried talking to any of them?

Lets ignore the cops and the council and everyone in the middle and invite ourselves over with a bottle.

We can be like, thanks for choosing to be part of this community, because cliquefuck or no, that's what they've done. They found us attractive and wanted to be part of it. We can explain that if it wasn't for the Hare and Hounds, or the Flapper, or the Rainbow (or whatever venues next), then Birmingham would be off map for 100s of touring bands around the world, and it's taken years of constant non profit work to build the reputation of these places, so please don't call the council if you get some teenage puke on your doorstep or some police sirens in your dreams because it's a really small price to pay for living in an active and thriving and exciting and connected and FUN part of town.

Wah wah. i know this is hella gay and emo, urgh sharing feelings, is totally not the birmingham way, but honestly, we played like 20 american quasi-legal basements/houses/apartments/warehouses last month, and they all exist because somewhere along the line, some people had conversations something like that one above.

In Chicago, the council only shuts them down when they turn into full on 3 story 5 days a week drug fuelled punk squats. In Durham, our hosts Joe and Ashlee live in this beautiful converted apartment next to the town hall. It was out of their price range, so they wrote to the land lady explaining they were both part of the art community that Durham sells/prides itself on, and it seemed unfair to price them out of their own city centre. In a dozen towns notable for nothing, kids asked their neighbours to be cool and let them have a few hours of noise each month, then they asked their friends to be cool and not act un-neighbourly.

AND IT FUCKING WORKS YOU CUNTS SO WHY DOESN'T IT WORK HERE.

bah humbug / happy christmas

seriously tho, go sign this now.

WE RIDE WE RIDE SKELETAL LIGHTENING

first, for the whole world and moon:

NAMES

click to listen to our 4 awesome new songs!

you can buy some as a tshirt here, and some as badges here

second!

JOHNNY FOREIGNER CURSES AMERICA 2012

So far, America, you have missed:
Us playing in Wilmington. Us on a beach at night. Us staying in a mansion. Us on a beach in the day. Us failing to play a Halloween show in Durham in costume. Us being jealous of everyone's lovely houses. Us climbing onto a roof opposite the Lucky Strike factory and setting off fireworks. Us playing to 7 people in a sports bar in Richmond. Us projecting shapes onto the Lincoln Memorial  and us playing a rad show to lovely people in DC whilst SOME CUNT STOLE MY FUCKING IPOD TOUCH FROM OUR DRESSING ROOM.


We've been playing shows supporting the excellent Hammer No More The Fingers and it's almost over and it's been rad fun and THERE'S NO TIME TO BE SAD.

our last show with them is today/tonight/11/3/2012 at Golden West in Baltimore MD

the next leg of tour-lamb is going to be at least 1 whole sense better cos Mr Ben Rausch will be rejoining us to do his awesome visual projection magic:

4th - The Fire, Philadelphia PA tickets with Hop Along and The Sidekicks
6th - Glasslands Gallery, New York NY tickets with Motive and Rumours
7th - Great Scott, Alston MA, tickets with Guillermo Sexo and Speedy Ortiz and Infinity Girl
8th - Sierra Grill, Northampton MA, 10pm $3 with Pachangacha, Nervous Passenger and Speedy Ortiz
9th - Binghampton University, Vestal NY, free entry, with Steve Labreque's Wild Ride


and then, home stretch, we're joined by our labelmates, responsible designated drivers and rad punk rock band, Nervous Passenger.

10th - The Green House, Pittsburgh PA, with Nervous Passenger and Legs Like Treetrunks
11th - 40 Walker Street, Athens OH, with Nervous Passenger
12th - Rachaels Cafe, Bloomington IN, with Nervous Passenger
13th - Milhouse, Kalamazoo, MI, with Nervous Passenger and Forget the Times
14th - The Sound Cellar, Chesterton IN, with Nervous Passenger
15th - Johnny Foreigner Vs Chicago, Subterranean with Waterhouse, My Dad and Nervous Passenger
16th - The Sett at Union South, Madison WI, with Nervous Passenger
17th - Johnny Foreigner Vs Swerp, Swerp Mansion, Chicago IL. with Nervous Passenger, Noumenon, and Scoundrel (mail: info@swerprecords for address)

AND THEN FUCKING CANADA YEH?
thanks to the beyond helpful and super awesome music band Elos Arma,  who'll be our support and emotional crutches for the whole leg.

20th -
21st - Blackshire Pub, London ON with Elos Arma and More More
22nd - TBA, Guelph ON with Elos Arma and Bowjia, $5 all ages
23rd - TBA, Toronto with Elos Arma
24th - TBA
25th - Montreal TBA

tbas will be a'd in the next week, we'll shout about it loudly for sure.

two things we cannot stress enough yo:

1) this is thee most fun ever
2) fuck nose when we'll be able to afford to come over again so you should totally book that flight
3) if anyone has an Ipod touch they want to offload for cheapy price (real cheapy) then plz get in touch
SEE YOU SOON!
Xx

VS LONDON IV show details

WHY MUST EVERYTHING HAPPEN ALL AT ONCE

VS LONDON IV: THE LAST STAND

no time for introductions, all these bands are rad and you'll regret missing them. unless yr already coming, in which case everything is totally fine between us and it's you that's making a THING about it.

Stephen H Davidson - him from Tellison, all heartybreaky ahhhhh

The Spills - THE GREATEST BAND IN THE COUNTRY RIGHT NOW STOP ARGUING WITH US AND LISTEN TO THIS

Evans The Death - stunning fortuna - grrl - pop with melodies that make the 90s seem kinda embarrassing

"unspecified ironic london 2 piece" - oh, those guys.


ALSO: MASKS:

see here now, it's halloween and we want to dress (you) up. you be the ghost:

lewes has asked me to remind you all that IT IS MISSING A MOUTH and you have to DO THE MOUTH YOURSELF.

DO THE MOUTH, GUYS.

also, feel free to colour in. or add horns. ghosts don't have horns, shut up alexei.


go here for a large printy version

how rad it will be if you all print out and make them and the front row is all ghost faces. excited! You will need string to thread thru the holes. and scissors for cutting. and a responsible adult. hey i can cut a fucking ghost out on my own, mom.


there's a few tickets available here and there should be some at the venue too. probably.

sorry to wait so long to divulge all this. it wouldn't be us if it wasn't delivered last minute and sweaty right?

xoxox SEE YOU SATURDAY LONDONTOWN

post tour verbal emission

O GOD SO MANY THINGS

the end and everything after: it's just gone 1am and it's mostly over. The venue is empty, erie dark and silent. We've finished loading out and go back in for goodbyes. We're slightly drunk and slightly high and still damp and dazed from the show. The bar staff are sitting round a table downstairs, smoking and waiting for us to clear out. One of them has a big fur coat like richey manic. I wander over to borrow a light. - and then we'll be out of your lives forever, i say. She looks me in the eyes, and, in the most bored voice in Nottingham tonight, sighs - excellent.

and our tour is over.

The worst part about being a touring circus, easily my most heart busting problem of being in a band, over money, sales, money or whatever, is leaving places. and the better the show/scene, the nicer the people, and the more we do it, the harder it gets. It's like being trapped in some terrible indie quantum leap episode, where every day you wake up in a new town, make new friends and see new bands and then come midnight you drive to the omnipresent magic travelodge. and when you pull out of the carpark the next morning, you have to start all over again. 

THIS MONTH HAS BEEN THE WORST FOR THAT.

by which i mean, the last month has been the most positive and awesome time ever. I don't just mean the usual; many people came and everyone had fun speech, tho that happened mostly everywhere and everywhere respectively. 

October is bands on tour season. we peek at each other thru blacked out splitter van windows in service stations at 3am. After a few days on tour, you can start to feel kinda processed; no matter how awesome (you think) your little circus is, yr still just venue fodder, calender filler, a bubble easily burst by one bored barmaid with an excellent coat and the only lighter. 

bar staff of the toilet circuits of the world, this time you were too late. We have consistently had our minds bent out of bitterness on this tour. We didn't have to argue for a bottle of gin once. That's never happened before. We've met bands that we've never heard of that are A M A Z I N G. We've met promotors that promote! Promotors that love what they do and want to be proud of their local talent and fucking work and flyer and network and help and foster a scene and make it look like the easiest, most natural thing ever. In that way, this tour has felt like a succession of party crashes, where, up until we play, we're never quite sure if people are there because we are, or there because it's clearly the best place to be.

It's also been the total opposite of that. I told you our minds were messed up. It's not just being overwhelmed by so many familiar faces, it's that all you faces seem to know each other, or have come to visit each other, or are-dating-and-blatantly-in-love-with each other. It feels like some massive messed up beautiful family reunion and we got to play prodigal son each night. So many alternate universes we could settle down in..

I'd like to think that this is no fluke. That we have left behind the world of promotion being a 3 year old black and white photo of us in a window, and local support bands who want to be lost prophets or whatever.  I'd like to think of this tour as a statement of where/what "our" scene is, post crash, right now. And, best of all, it really has fuck all to do with us. Most of these shows would have been awesome shows even if we never turned up. A whole bunch of thriving communities starting to see the rewards of the last few years graft. People proud of -their- bands. For all the cynics in this industry that are my age or older, THE KIDS ARE GOING TO SHOWS AGAIN.

So this tour ends on a small piece of forgotten grass just outside Birmingham city centre by the abandoned old train station, us and playlounge lighting the last of our sky lanterns and watching as they sail out of view over the skyline. urgh hippies. 

this tour never ends. 

thanks for your time.

UK tour merch + you

Hello! Presenting to you, our October 2012 merch collection.

It's all limited runs and we're not going to get them till the weekend, so we've put a bunch on big cartel to avoid disappointing those who come and want to buy new merch (or the 45923987235 other places in the world we're not playing)

 Buy now and, and we'll send them out by the 8th October. Please don't shout when we get to yours in two weeks time and we're out of your size. Click on what you like, or go here to browse round our store. We have a couple of red shirts and one white left, and other fun stuff too. BUT IT'S NOT NEW AND EXCITING LIKE THIS IS:::

all funds, as ever, get pumped into the Americanadian Dream.

I (ghost) JF Tote Bag, Silver on Black

over-size crest print shirt, black on blue softstyle

Octobering the Edges, A3 UK tour poster

K cool. That concludes today's presentation. Thank you for your continued support, see you soon!

xoxo

transatlanticism

hello!

On the eve of our UK tour, we'd like to do some announcery. actually i guess, part one of a two part announcery. This is the one that sets the scene, and you can expect plot exposition in a weeks time.




first, some more tour dates:

Johnny Foreigner Vs The Atlantic

OCTOBER
30th Satellite | Wilmington, NC w/ Hammer No More The Fingers

31st Pinhook | Durham, NC w/ Hammer No More The Fingers

NOVEMBER
1st - Republic | Richmond, VA w/ Hammer No More The Fingers

2nd - Velvet Lounge | Washington, DC w/ Hammer No More The Fingers

3rd - Golden West | Baltimore, MD w/ Hammer No More The Fingers

4th - The Fire | Philadelphia, PA w/ & Hop Along, The Sidekicks


6th - Glasslands Gallery | NYC, NY

7th - Great Scott | Boston, MA - Clicky Clicky Music Blog Show Spectacular

8th - TBA | Northampton, MA
9th - Binghampton University | Buffalo, NY

10th - TBA | Pittsburgh w/ Nervous Passenger
11th - TBA | Athens w/ Nervous Passenger
12th - TBA | Toledo w/ Nervous Passenger
13th - TBA | Kalamazoo w/ Nervous Passenger
14th - Sound Cellar | Chesterton, IN w/ Nervous Passenger
15th - JOHNNY FOREIGNER VS CHICAGO - w/ Water House, Nervous Passenger, My Dad @ Subterranean
16th - The Sett | Madison, WI w/ Nervous Passenger  
17th - JOHNNY FOREIGNER VS SWERP - Johnny Foreigner, Noumenon, Nervous Passenger, Scoundrel

!HOLY SHIT THATS AMERICA!

Well, some of it. The west coast, we're sorry, we just can't afford you yet. S'not like any offers have been beneath us, but airfare/backline/van, it's just out of our reach at the moment. If the last couple of weeks have taught us anything, it's not to base geography or distance on perceptions honed playing Turbo Outrun. It will happen at some point, we promise, but that doesn't mean we're not going to nag you all to ROAD TRIP over to see us.

We're hanging out with some awesome bands too; we're supporting Hammer No More The Fingers for a few shows, and be supported by Nervous Passenger at a few more.

Canada, You are happening too. We're going to be homeless tho so be gentle. Come back next week when we'll be adding shows and confirming the TBAs.

ANYWAYS RIGHT, none of this would have been possible without Swerp. What a great segue:





Secondly, we'd like to tell you about our new American label! Our second American label. Seriously right, in 2008 we sat in a boardroom high above Manhattan and signed contracts for provisional 9 month tour commitments to the same stable as Avril and Fallout Boy. In some alternate universe, our definitions of punk were alligned and at least one of us is married to Nickelback.

What really happened next is we met this guy J Matthew Nix. He was into our band and became our friend when he brought us coffee. We made each other videos, it was kinda like romance. The kind of romance where 18 months in one of you starts a party fuelled record label to promote bands you love and the other one is in a band looking for a label (but you also live in a different country)

That's happened to you before, right?

This kind of magic only happens in Chicago. Please take this as a formal transfer request from one twin city to the other. Swerp is pretty much our punka saviours helping out with our American tour, (which we hereby christen, Johnny Foreigner Vs the Atlantic) but we hope it leads to more adventures and better metaphors. Our first new Swerp release will be in partnership with Alcopop. and it will be called [better segue]

sweet

NAMES

magic-infused Herio Braker, 2d realm variant

Hello the world.

we would like to tell you about our new record / EP / badge set / tshirt / pretentious transatlantic art fag project.
and it is called NAMES.


We made it in the small hours of last week in our super secret Digbeth studio, with our long time producer Dominique James. It's our first recordings as a 4 piece, so it's totally appropriate that, as the first release with our Swerp, we now sound even more like all them American bands people say we sound like. If certain songs ended up as our Kieron Gillen style parable, and vs everything a Grant Morrison sprawl, then please let this be our Warren Ellis run.

NAMES will be available from the 27th October, (which is our last Vs London show) and you can buy from either label. They're the same but different.

There are four songs. one is for Swerp, one is for Alcopop, one will be communal and one we're literally going to give away for free next week like the net-savvy musicians we are.


So, in the UK, Alcopop will be releasing a fancy set of 6 38mm badges (pre order now!!), and in the US Swerp will be releasing a NAMES Tshirt hand coloured by us.

Each will come with a download code for their 3 songs. We'll be selling them on tour too, OBVS, and if you've had enough of us playing silly buggers with formats, you'll be able to dl the country-specific songs separately for £99.

Ok. SO, meet you back here next week with Canadian shows, new songs, and more details about the NAMES releases. Going on tour now, BYE

xoxo

always chances

Hello World, some brief things:

: Ebay people, thank you so very much. We have enough money to fake our americacanada tour on a secret backlot soundstage buy some plane tickets, this is totally looking like a Thing that can happen. If you haven't already, can you all please let us know if you'd like your winnings to be signed, and the mystery drums skin winners tell us how you'd like us to desecrate them. Stuff will be posted out on Monday

: -i worry- tshirt people, the shirts were hella delayed getting to us and most have been posted out, the rest are going out on Monday too.

- this guy here is called Herio Braker, and he's the magic guardian of our new recordings. He's been hanging out at our studio the last few days and we've been charging his sigil with the power of awesome loud guitar pop. You too can help us out here, look into his eyes, focus your happy thoughts on the sign he's holding, and he's spew those vibes over our new songs in the next week:

he can see you thru the screen because he is magic.

- also, we're going to make another shirt, for th UK tour. What colour should we use, we are awful at this. TELL US PLEASE.

- also also, recording makes for long hours late at night spent listening to each other play the same thing over and over again. so, one last favour, if you could all write your very bestest jokes in the comment box below, that would ease us thru the nights greatly.

thank youuuuuuu

xox

EXORCISM OF THE SELF

so, um americanada. hi there. as you may have seen leaked onto the interwebs, we have a few shows pencilled in for October. Truth be told, we have a decent run down the east coast and we're looking at practically at Canada and kinda more desperately optimistic at the west coast too. ITS LIKE ANOTHER COUNTRY COMPLETELY and finding shows that'll pay enough to justify flying over and paying for more backline hire is getting increasingly tricky. blerghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Anyway, (and this is where the rest of the world may start reading) all this dreaming is immaterial if we don't raise enough money to fly there in the first place, so here is todays super awesome news bomb.

presenting THE GREAT GET JOHNNY FOREIGNER TO AMERICANADA AUCTION 2012:

in which you guys get to buy awesome unique us - related artwork, and we then get to spend your money on plane tickets. this is definitely the best plan that ends with "we then spend your money on plane tickets" that you'll ever be involved in.

It's been kinda cool exorcising all this stuff to the internets. like old men who sell their war medals for cigarette money, only instead of cigarettes it's the holiday of their dreams, and they've already squeezed all the kudos and usefulness out of those medals anyway. and they also have perfect digital scans of them too. And noone is sad. This is a terrible metaphor.

What we're saying is we would rather live for the future (TOUR AMERICANADA) than accumulate scraps of memories designed for firing at other people in the first place. More news soon, but we've found an awesome US label that can sort us out with a van and someone to drive it and awesome bands to play with places to play and sleep and money to make more records, but only on the basis we can get out there in the first place.

So you guys, here is 2012's most Un-Kony crowd sourcing appeal. We've put up 16 different art packages from the last few years, all handmade unique original versions of things that ended up being record books, tshirts and things, as well as a couple of surprises. There's hopefully enough stuff to spread out so no-one has to pay OTT money, tho those with higher than average bank balances are encouraged to buy for other people as well as themselves.

1.) Grace and the Bigger Picture cover

2.) Grace and the Bigger Picture booklet pack (4 pieces) 1/5

3.) Grace and the Bigger Picture booklet pack (4 pieces) 2/5

4.) Grace and the Bigger Picture booklet pack (4 pieces) 3/5 (graces lyrics)

5.) Grace and the Bigger Picture booklet pack (4 pieces) 4/5

6.) Grace and the Bigger Picture booklet pack (4 pieces) 5/5

7.) Gin Dagger Cite her Bar Cut cover set (2 pieces)

8.) Feels Like Summer cover set (3 pieces)

9.) Criminals cover set (3 pieces)

10.) I Ghost JF Tshirt design

11.) Are You Hungry Now design (b&w)

12.) Ghost Vomit Eurotour design (b&w)

13.) South Africa tour poster

All the above are a4 photopaper sheets made by Lewes and are The Actual Ones Off Of The Record and whatnot.

13.) Arcs Across The City stage banner
a giant smelly heavy banner featuring (decayed) cover art

14.) Mystery snare skin (smaller than a floor tom skin)
15.) Mystery floor tom skin (bigger than a snare skin)

authentically toured and destroyed by junior, these found objects are waiting for YOU to tell us what to draw on them. if you win, that is. we specialise in fraudulent family crests. idk probably.

16.) look there are people like that out there and if we don't cater for them it's like we're dismissing their ability to function as part of the human race and since we're selling it anyway, we're not exactly high enough above them on the evolutionary scale to be proud about it anyway.

17.) kelly's pants. don't click that.

There spread across a couple of different accounts so treat this as a contents page, i guess.

So there you go, good luck and we hope that you all get what you want and the combined value of which puts america within practical distance. everything can be signed on request and if we're coming to your yard at any point on tour then you can pick it up. that may be quite a small chance, but we're announcing our UK dates in literally hours, so we'll throw in Guest list to any show for winning bids too.

Thanks for taking part anywayssss. This mass potential exchange of past for future is our friendly and less greedy homebrew version of kickstarter, and there's a fair chance it'll fail cos we weren't relentless or extortionate enough, but at the very least we'll be able to buy a big enough bowl to all cry in. forever.

xoxoxo

it is so a verb too.

TOURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

yo hello. this is one of those frantic weeks where we drop a lot of information. the most important is contained here - details of this little October road trip we've worked out, but first, here's a brief list of other things that are happening sooner but less relevant RIGHT THIS SECOND. I've been reading douglas copeland all week so am compelled to mess with the linear narrative. yes.

- we need to tell you how prospective americanada tour in november is shaping up

- we need to unveil the immense ebay auction that will hopefully fund said excursion. sidenote - this is what wil wheaton found in his garage. this is what we found in ours:

tempted?

- we need to tell you about our rad new american label and the awesome new songs coming to you via them and alcopop and we also need to record said songs.
-oh wow
- and you've heard this right?

ANYWAY, remember that time we used to not go on about america so much? ahh nostalgia. kidding; here is our comprehensively hyperlink'd UK tour for October. If there's anything we've missed then please send links and posters and we'll add to this. even you whose one bit of promotion seems to be a local press release reading "Birmingham trio return to      Birmingham".

awkward commiserations to those who live in places not near the below, i'm sure we'll be back round for you (apart from portsmouth). or you could always roadtrip?

All shows except Southampton, Birmingham and London are with this band we've been listening to so much our management are putting out their record (nb, it probably didn't happen like that BUT WE SO FOUND THEM FIRST) Playlounge are super fuzzy guitar pop and you can hear just enough of the words to make you think all the songs are about you, now, but they also have that early idlewild chordal sensibilty and them soaring william style chorus hooks and you start mouthing what you think are the words on the tube home after a 15 hour shift and then strangers start looking at you, and the giant paralympics access pass hanging off your belt, and tell their children not to point at you, and you know it's all kinds of wrong but at least they won't ask you to turn it down. uhhh i love this band right now. we can't wait for you to hear hem so we can remind you that we heard them first too.


DATA:

Thursday 27th September - Southampton - Avondale House - RPS Freshers Festival, free show! fb

Tuesday 2 October - Sheffield - The Harley - tickets - fb

Friday 5 October - Cardiff - Jealous Lovers Club - tickets - fb (with Greetings)

Saturday 6 October - Cheltenham - Walk The Line Festival  - tickets - fb

Monday 8th October - birminghasm - Glee Club  - (supporting Shonen Knife) - tickets 

                   

Wednesday 10 October - Leicester - Firebug - tickets

Thurs 11 October - Durham - Fishtank tickets - fb (with martha)

Friday 12 October - Hartlepool - The Studio - tickets - fb (with Antlez and GUNNING FOR MOTHERFUCKING TAMAR WOOO)

Saturday 13 October - Wakefield - The Hop - tickets (with PAWS and Wot Gorilla)

Wednesday 17th October - Edinburgh - The Electric Circus - tickets

Thursday 18th October - Aberdeen - The Tunnels 

Friday 19th October - Glasgow - Flat 0/1 - Oxjam event, cheap tickets

Saturday 20th October - Nottingham - Chameleon - tickets - fb (with Without Maps and Kappa Gamma) 

Saturday 27th October - VS LONDON 4 - tickets - (final Vs show, with awesome bands and masks and tbh halloween themed intrigue and fun. details sooner)

THANK YOU SEE YOU SOON! XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

JF vs America and Canada. AmeriCanada?

Hi blogosphere!
You spoke, we responded: as part of our Get Johnny Foreigner To America And Canada cause, we present to you our I WORRY Rotunda tee, for which we are now taking pre orders. It's here! HERE! All money raised by the sale of these, as mentioned, will take us closer to fulfilling our gig commitments as well as our dreams of returning to Americaland and Canadaland. For which we are so freaking excited, you have no idea.

We also recorded our Vs London III show (and then rerecorded the the cover we messed up): this will be sold as a bundle with the vs London III poster which can be found at the link above but hey for the sake of ease, here it is once more! >> oh hi again!. To those in attendance...Firstly, thank yoouuus. The mp3 of this, as promised, will be sent to you, for free. Just send us your ticket confirmation email to johnnyforeigner@hotmail.co.uk and we shall mp3 you right up.

Other updates and news to follow soon! Excitttteeeeeeeeddddddd.
so much love
Lex, Kel, Jun and Lewes xxxx

VS London 3 full lineup!

a celebration of being alive and stuff! 

with us, Hawk Eyes, Playlounge, Her Parents and Stephen from Tellison

do we pick the best bands orwot.

+ DJ battles from us and our friends till 2am

+ Our set recorded and internetted to you the week after

+ Inflatables palm trees and other such stuffs

TICKET LINKY

**SUMMER SUMMER SUMMER SUMMER SUMMER SUMMER**

thankyou see you there xoxoxo

Poster of wow

tickets here

VS LONDON PART III

zomg already!


ladybeans and gentle folk of That London, presenting our 3rd of 4 shows of PURE AWESOME upstairs at the Garage.

Saturday 18th August

with Playlounge and Her Parents and more tba, + EXTRAS

playlounge have THE BEST SONGS EVER HEURGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH::::::::::







Her Parents is Chris from Internet Forever, Calum from Dananananaykroyd, Will of Stairs to Korea and Sean from being Alcopop Jacks (soberer) brother and sound exactly like what it would be like to get slapped by pure fun. literally that.


we'll announce one more later, BUT here are 3 more reasons why you need to come:

 - We now have the upstairs room all night! In no way whatsoever is this an over-reaction towards the overly rude bouncers who clear people out of the room at the end whilst WE'RE STILL TALKING TO THEM. well, maybe a bit, but it means you guys can stick around till 2 and we can DJ and OH SHIT WE HAVE A NIGHTCLUB. so, please take advantage else it'll just be us and the bouncers and a terrible silence.

- We're recording the set. well, Dom's recording the set. If we did it, it would just be on iphone voicememo. and after we've had the chance to add crowd noise from Queen Live at Wembley 86, we'll internet it to you with some pictures like some sort of digital postcard of a night you forgot. Only, you won't forget it cos it'll be awesome, and the only place you'll be able to get a recording of the SECRET COVER we're for sure not going to screw up.

- Inflatable Palm Trees!

!CLICK HERE FOR TICKET LINK!

more details and fancy poster soon!

see you then, then xoxo

(also, DON'T FORGET AMERICANADA!)

Final 12" Info-drop

Ayo

So, the sticker album is all made and the records are being posted out to you this week. Our original plan was to give you all 5 stickers and sell packs off our merch store, BUT thanks to Jack being awesome and us being bad at communication (mostly the former) they'll now come with 20 each. HOW RAD IS THAT.

Obviously, they'll be blindpacked, so you'll still have to hook up with each other to complete the sets. BWA HA HA HA HA. Be sure to tell us how you're all getting on.

I've uploaded Lewes's sticker album and record art to our flickr so everyone else can see what they're missing at get jealous.

Are you one of those people? is it worth us doing another sticker book run so you can join in? do let us know..

cool cool cool. ALSO DONT FORGET AMERICANADA. we've had some awesome and heartwarming responses in the last 24 hours, a super positive start. keep going, plz

SEA TO SHINING SEA

AMERICA (and CANADA)


 and it starts like:
 

 If you book us, we will come, right? Well don't get yr hopes up just yet, there's a whole bunch of things to do before it happens. but happen it must, or we'll go batshit mental being stuck on this doomy grey rock.


We want to tour in late October/November. Is that good with you?

This is the for sure this seasons epic campaign. And obviously we're a punk band, which is a cooler way of saying SHIT WE NEED YOUR HELP:

If you're a gig promotor, college radio type, agent or basement show guy, someone who works in a cool indie store, person in a (good) band whose going to be playing around the same time, Mac or Laura from Merge, hipster blogger, anyone in the touring and banding business who could help us out in any way, or anyone interested in sponsorship, then CALL THIS NUMBER NOW:

 johnnyforeigner@hotmail.co.uk

 and put COMING TO AMERICA in the title so we don't send you off to the spamyards.

Also, if you know someone like any of the above, please point their eyes and ears to us, and exaggerate ridiculously about what a big draw we are.

All you other people who don't care so much for the details but just want to see us play, plz read this:

 :: we want to play everywhere, forever. please don't comment our facebook / twitter saying - HEY YOU SHOULD PLAY FANTASTICVILLE WHERE I'M FROM - because it just makes us sad that we're not U2. and noone should have to feel that, ever. A much more practical and positive thing would be to direct those feelings towards whoever puts on rad shows in your town. hook us up, maybe. then when we do play you can be all smug about it, and we'll think you're the king or queen of fantasticville. ::

So yeh, this is the start of our beautiful plan. In a few weeks we'll start sticking flags on a map and working out how much is possible. Then we'll work out all the awkward questions like money and money.

We don't usually ever say this, but, whatever social network brought you here, we'd be very much obliged if you shared/RT/reblogged/tumbler-steal the link so's we can cast our info net as wide as possible. and also in case you're friends of friends of Mac or Laura from Merge.

If this doesn't happen, we will kill ourselves. xoxoxo

Letter Circle Jerk

I meant to post this semi coherent thing below last week but didn't cos I hadn't spellchecked it or owt. Couldn't sleep so I thought I'll just do it now. and now it's 7am and I'm hella tired and I haven't even written the post I was supposed to writeMYLIFESUXXXXURGH. ps thanks to everyone whose bought this; I dunno if I ever told you but making money from music is kinda my dream, so, flattered, thank you. The stuff I was going to write will for sure come tomorrow. Probably. I have to rehearse and go to That London and play a show and get my OHLIMPICK ACCESS PASS and really, staying up was the worst idea ever. 

oh quickly, bad news / good news

the first 100 records are going to probably ship a week late. DO NOT SHOUT AT JACK FOR THIS! IT IS OUR FAULT! who knew that making a sticker book and stickers would be so much art work. 

BUT

softening this blow is this fact: each one will ship with 20 stickers, not 5 like we said before, thus saving you from buying more from us should you wish to keep indulging our vanity. They'll be blindpacked tho, we're not going to make it too easy.  

i hope this is an acceptable state of affairs to you all. 

xlex

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bandwagon jumping, but y'know, every old male musician should write a letter to Emily White.

Dear Emily White

You're not saying anything that like, 99% of your generation hasn't thought or said before. seriously. My mate Alan's music collection eclipsed yours in 2002 and the only musician he'd ever buy cds from was Sam Zurich. You just got noticed and picked on cos you work in The Biz and not the real world, and, obviously you're new here, but it's bad form to be so open about it. The old ones get stroppy. 

It would be nice to think that the people who actively pursue careers in the music industry would also be the people who have bought more than 15 physical releases in their life, but whatevs.  It's sort of like when I used to have 15 different games consoles and related carts and controllers littering my front room, then one day I got an xbox and the big ass emulator discs and stuck pretty much everything else in the loft*. At least yr not pretending to care..

I like to take pride and boast about those consoles tho**, and thats the difference between us. 

It's that big split that I'm always boring people about; how music will look in 50 years time; there'll be commercial mass market tesco bands and there'll be grass roots working bands. we're clearly gonna be on opposite sides of this darkest timeline, but that's no reason we can't coexist. We'll make our money from small runs of novelty media, tour reputation, and sheer human kindness, and you guys can make yours from the all format song/royalty distribution machine you wish for in your letter***. Every now and then we can do a trade, you give us an ironically fashionable girl band / dangerous black guy*** and in return we'll give you the bloodied corpses of kurt cobain, elliot smith and mark linkous **** to apply some of that hologram magic to.

2) Letter to David Lowery

I agree with pretty much everything you say, but it's so patronising it kinda verges on creepy. I didn't feel that she was positioning herself on a particular side so much as saying the truth as it was to her. Not saying that's better or worse, just that it seems silly to try "recruit" her cos she isn't the one with the battle to fight. You're right to say that it's wrong for people to accept illegal free music, but that battle, that human impulse, was lost the first time one caveman said something funny and another caveman passed it on as his own*****. and, since the time of cheap recordable media in the 70s, your ideology has had to be legally enforced. If this was (insert name of whichever ---ball sport you follow) then the internet is the team made of robots from the future who also have guns and are more attractive to the opposite sex. dude, I'm so sorry, the war is over and we lost. 

It's ok tho. necessity is the mother of frisbee singles and sticker books and dozens more fun ideas artistic people can create. That's if you sign up for my new war. It's set 50 years from now and I think we'll be fighting holograms. The pay is shit, but that's not why we're here, right?  

Also, the public blackmail charity thing would be a shitty thing to do even if it wasn't a Teenage Girl on the Internet. I would have suggested Emily started an Oatmeal style campaign and backlashed you up, but then you explained how she was an accomplice in the murder of poor Sparklehorse.. WAIT NO YOU REALLY DID JUST GO THERE.  "if only Emily's generation hadn't  used the internet, then EMI would have been all like,  - hey mark, have loads of money and stop sulking. Unfortunately, her and all the other kids ripped the albums off napster, so EMI had to let him kill himself" is not a direct quote.

3) Letter to Travis Morrison

Omg you bastard. I was in Glasgow once with £8 to my name. and I found ! for £8, and guilted myself into buying it cos the only copy I had was a cdr stolen from an (undeserving) dj.  and I'd heard that you guys didn't make much $$ so I brought it, then we went to some fancy pub and everyone else had an awesome massive roast dinner and i had a cold sausage roll that I found in my pocket from the morning. and the waitress noticed and everything.  and I played it in the car on the way back and everyone was like, this is shit, did you not bring Is Terrified? So right now I'm filestube-ing the tits off your career, I hope your last album is better than Is Terrified.****** 

It's also sort of like when Dan told Lewes that he printed all his artwork of his blog and papered his room with it. Only less funny. 

**coleco-vision, 2600,  nes, snes, master system, mega drive, 32x, mega-cd, saturn, jaguar, cd32, cd-i, (ltd edition pikachu) N64, dreamcast, gamecube, ps2. and now i exclusively play grabbatron or pocket planes on ipod touch. urgh. 

***I couldn't stay awake fully thru David's lecture, but at one point I think my eyes wandered over a paragraph relating to this. anyway guys, the exact system you're describing actually exists right now at least once, in the hands of a South African start up media company whose name I forget. The trouble is, who'd voluntarily switch over to this model whilst Clear Channel and the majors control so much of the industry? The kind of bands you guys probably wouldn't care about, is who. 50 years, you'll see. 

****I have been exclusively listening to Azealia Banks for two months solid now so clearly I'm happy with a mix of both.

*****All major label suicides with looming financial problems and lifestyle related drug issues, and unique genius song-magicians. especially sparklehorse*. 

****** People talk about how home taping was the original file sharing, but I'm genuinely intrigued as to what happened before that. Like, in the middle ages, did people secretly copy musical scores and sell them off in the next village? What about before notation, in actual caveman time? Was there ever a caveman who came up with a particular melody, and then one day he was whistling it and another caveman who could whistle started copying him? and everyone heard the other caveman and praised him, and the first one was all FUCK THATS MY WHISTLE MELODY HE STOLE IT. I bet that happened. I would like to take a time machine back to that point, and I'd say, hey it's fine, this is how humanity is supposed to work. 

*******It's not.

* oh man, i really miss sparkleyhoss. 

preorder 12" gogogogoogooooooo

this is a very shrunk version of 1/4 of the rebuilt cover art for the 2x12 release of Vs Everything. We promised everyone we'd make this happen and cos jack is awesome it has. preorder linky is at the bottom if you want to skip the part of this where i moan about shit.

1) Brian Wood's new comic, The Massive, is just brilliant and everyone should go buy it

2) Bands reforming is kind of like exes coming on to you innit. Like, you were awesome and you probably are still but I've kinda moved on. and I feel guilty cos I was into those bands with all my heart and soul and wallet and they break up and I get all upset and then get over it and find another band to fall in love with and then they come back and they're all HEY GUYS WE NEVER REALLY BROKE UP WE WERE JUST DOING DIFFERENT THINGS! fuck no, you broke up. I remember where i was when I heard about it and I maybe cried.  I'm barely past teary eyed 4am youtube crushes and I just want to call bullshit: all you guys, you walked away from me, and now you have drunk nostalgia money eyes and you want me back.

I'd never be so rude tho, cos you guys are my actual heroes. You invented me.

 I loved you once. You were massive parts of my life. You lost it to whatever mundane reasons that eventually end bands; egos, boredom, bank balances. and nothing you did since caught fire like that again. You faded out, became replaced. Nostalgia is a sound business plan now. So you cash in. because fuck knows you deserve to be paid. You deserve infinite money for those goosebumps you raised on my arms; be they last night at 4am over my shitty laptop or a damp Thursday evening in 1998 at the Shite and Duck in Camden. Those feelings are literally priceless

I don't think there's any shame in that. Or that there's any shame for not wanting to play shows where the poster says  "[your new band] featuring [your name] ex-[your old band]" It's just a shame that this is what it comes down to; nostalgia fest & karaoke value. play your most famous album! play it in order! I've seen soooo mannnnnnnny taglines, fb statuses, press clippings: party like it's 1997/99/02/04. and I refuse. I refuse to be told to party like it's the past.

Don't get me wrong, this is My Problem. I'm stoked that 15 years  of word of mouth meant Cap'n Jazz could afford decent fees when they came over here. I'm happy and jealous that my friends got to dance onstage with the D-Plan, and I'm happy and smug that I got to be Pavement's merch guy. But there's so many amazing songs and records and tours being made by bands have something to say in the present tense. I don't want nostalgia. I don't want to remember the good old days, I want relevance and The Now. I want my artists to be making new shit, unfolding new real time adventures. Doing stuff that relates directly to other people alive on earth at this instant
I just don't want to see my heroes admitting they have nothing left to say to me. I don't want to see them as museum pieces when i last knew them as living breathing active creations.

Yeh this is cos of Cable. I don't want to go watch Cable. even tho, in their day, I would have crawled thru poo to have the chance. They'll be amazing. Their songs still sound punchy and clever and the lyrics are pure poetry and they have choruses as big as the atlantic. and they'll have a crowd as fervent as their heyday to play off. and I'll be at home bitter cos of this weird hangup.


3) I'm sorry for placing that rant in front of this all important link:

PREORDER JOHNNY FOREIGNER VS EVERYTHING 2x12" GATEFOLD SUPER - RECORD

Comprising of the complete "Vs Everything" album and all relevant b sides: Remember 2011, when we released that record? ahhhh It was ace weren't it. REMODEL REPACKAGE. Shut up, we've never had a proper record album before so we're clearly overcompensating with this. Excite!!::

Because we're (jack) is lovely, have a free downloadable song also.

Also note, the first 100 orders will come with this:

stickerbook! stickers! hells yes.

The street date, YO, is 16th July. but seriously, if we take an extra week finishing shit, you're not allowed to be mad at us.