Hello.

Unlike Lex, I don't have the literary skill to start off a blog with a witty anecdote or cool cultural reference (he does do that, right? Geek). Instead, I'm going to get/ divert yr attention by posting a video of a game that looks awesome. Then I'm going to tell you why I'm posting a blog for a change.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BrjvrHaOOpw

GOOSEBUMPS.

K, so... I'd like to believe that some day our band can exist without having to ask (beg) friends and people that like our band for help like, on a weekly basis. So yeah, if you haven't already figured, this is yet ANOTHER begging letter.

So, 6 months ago my poor bass head suffered 'explosion damage' (sounds exciting, but it's killed it, possibly for good).

Now, I've recorded my bass parts BUT I really need to re-amp them to make them sound, y'know, boss.

So... I ask you (specifically the people of Birmingham and thereabouts):

Does anyone happen to have a decent valve bass head, possibly an SVT, that I could borrow in order to make my bass parts/ our new album sound super super super awesome?

We'll like, dedicate the album to you or something. Probably 'or something'. But I'll be forever grateful.

Please email johnnyforeigner@hotmail.co.uk if you think you can help.

K, one more goosebump inducing game trailer

(parental guidance blah blah blah, unsuitable viewing for children, blah blah blah)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_KBtOVx-x0

K, don't tell yr parents I showed you that, ok.

bye, homies.

kellyx

tour shirts? OK THEN

SUPER LIMITED SELLY TIME

people is all asking us about these new shirts and we're like, yeh they're for this tour we're on and then they're like, but i want one this tour goes nowhere near me, and we're all like psssssssssh well, shame.

UNTIL NOW

dun dun duhhhhhh

click here to go to our merchy store where we've put the new shirts and figured out how to do postage costs to everywhere. BUT! WAIT! there's only a few in each size cos the post office is kind of a drag, especially when we're on tour trying to be cool and that. So be quick. BUT WAIT AGAIN, we go to europe on the 2nd May, should any be left (always the kid sizes, idk why we bother) we're taking them to market in switzerland for outrageous prices (joke) so we'll delete them off the store. NOW GO. use someone elses card if you don't have the cash. they honestly won't mind.

xx

muscle memorrrrreeeeeeeeeee-eeeeee

posting backwards

muscle memorreeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

you guys should have been in aberdeen. THANKS ROBYN!

now you now the choooooooo-ooooooordds

muscle memorreeeeeeeeeeee-eeeeeeeeeeeeeee

TOUR FAX

- we have a super small amount of frisbeeps yet. considering rationing or some arcane password system for under counter transactions.

- we're waiting for the bad gig. it should have come by now and it's absence is like a phantom pregnacy.

- tonight we kind of decided onstage to start filming audiences shouting WIL WHEATON, SPEAK TO JOHNNY FOREIGNER. If we forget, please remind us.

- so far, we've had no rider issues. and half this tour is in europe. #winning.

- muscle memorreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

- milton keynes, we heard you had a competition to support us? really? please tell us more, cos we heard some rap crew won it then wussed out. this seems like a potential lolz goldmine.

- addidas court raiders are unsuitable for onstage use.

- we're none of us actually able to get the new danananaykroyd single out of our heads

- tonight, our rider was easter eggs. awesome, but, feel sick.

fyjf glasgow

hey tumblrs.

we got home at 5, i couldn't sleep, i watched this. it's called "alone together"; clever lady explains how mobile internet connectivity is making humans socially retarded. even if most of the stuff she talks about you probably know, if you have 15 mins you should watch it because i think it will connect in a pretty harrowing manner.

did for me anyway. it's all depressingly true, and i was truly a-depressed about it until i remembered the flailing drunken singing dancing mess of limbs and mouths that was you guys yesterday; pretty much the exact opposite of "alone together".

proud. thanks for all coming to see us. last night felt like we all beat the internet. hope you all got home safe.

xlex

french for high hat/vapour trails.

thanks maya!

small preface; phonogram is probably my favourite comic series ever. well, that or martha washington but that's not relevant here. i've been a total fan of kieron gillen since he called himself c-monster and did tips in the back of amiga power. ((infact, right, go read all of these. back? that, o eater uppers of modern media, is how to do consumer journalism)) AAANNYWAY, i was kinda annoyed at my own stoner memory; i forgot the rad little essay about curse songs at the back of one of the second series. a few people have pointed out the obvious thematic similarities, to which i guess i have to respond, we're both drawing influences from a pretty small niche, and it never crossed my mind that people would think i invented, or worse, claimed to invent, the concept of cursed songs. judging by the bulging sample folder we have for the record, it totally struck a chord with YOU GUYS, and i'm pretty sure kieron would agree and won't think that we're trading off of his ideas. At least, i was, until i mailed him a way wordier version of this paragraph and didn't hear back. ulp.

so he's going to fucking love this then:

TOUR EXCITEMENT 1)

cross your fingers please for this: assuming kelly says the right incantations to the print gods, then we should have some of our friend anja's amazing mini comic about the start of our band for sale on tour. here's the first and last page for appetite whetting:

how cool is that!

TOUR EXCETMENT 2)

here's a nice review of our frisbeep - BLAM that includes a free download of one of the songs wot is on it. Why not listen your ears out on it right now:

Johnny Foreigner - Twin Sisterzz by cerinusapodemus

i guess i guess the jackals have got yr back. all the smell of disinterest carving up shots for the soundtrack. and if the bar bets don't break yr bank, there'll be legends formed on rumours whored and forced. he wanted a night with twin sisters, now he's stranded at the barbican. i guess that's irony for some. she wanted the best of her exes but her sister got there first. and now certain songs are cursed. and maybe we're just jealous of what you've got. all those concrete shards to the sky make a neat backdrop for this weight. wake up sweating out. yr going to wake up sweating to yr phone; 15 messages and they've all read yr mind, like; what have you done? he wanted a night with twin sisters now he's stranded at the barbican. i guess that's irony for some. she wanted the best of her exes but her sister got there first, now she'd settle for the worst. yr not too young to settle down but maybe family is not the best example. but don't let that stop you....

TOUR EXCOTMUNT 3)

our camden crawl show (and maybeeeee the one before) will be our ONLY UK DATE as a four piece. Ben wot did live animated visual awesomeness for us in africa and america is coming over early for the euro-dates, come watch and be eye-amazed. the cat with lasers and it destroys cities and theres ghosts and also bon jovi. It really works better just being there, so don't let the fact that its camden and it's a crawl put you off.

other excitements

1) THESE YEAH. physical and digital distribution methods coexisting, it's like we've just gone and fixed the music industry for you all.

2) we're signed in france! MERCY BUCKETS! details soon!

3) seem to have inadvertently become twitter friends with the singer from mike fantastic. really? yes. the van that we were using last week, that they're using this week, we're using next week. hope they've left us some of those ubercool glasses. really? no.

4) can someone buy me a manbearpig shirt plz. you should buy one yrself cos they're like, the best band i've heard all year, but also get me one too.

aallssoo

thanks for all the messages re: That Guy and What He Said and What I Said and What Everyone Else Said and stuff. all the compliments on my words don't flatter me as much as knowing so many people feel the same way. Anyways, i'm pretty sure i just got in first in the stating the fucking obvious. for my money, ben patashnik is one of the best music writers we have and he phrases everything way better than i. did anyone hear me blathering about it on radio 6? i don't think i do soundbyte very well. whatevz, rsd is passing me by completely this year cos i'm spending the day checking in mass boxes of tshirts for the wrestling. so also please someone get me superchunk, deathcab, beck and suede plz thx.

FUCK WERE GOING ON TOUR AND WERE EXCITED SO YOU SHOULD BE TOO.

we can play loads of new songs without stopping and we remembered how to play lea room. click on the last blog post thing to see where we're playing and work out how many of the shows will be happening near you whilst you sit indoors moaning about your boring life on the internet. o wait, thats me. you'll be there, right?

OK ONE LAST THING. A COMPETITION, OF SORTS

if we don't at least get a "please leave wil wheaton alone" letter, then we're killing ourselves. straight up. You Meat Six (LOL) beat us to blink supportage (trivia, exactly 182 of my facebook friends "like" my band. even tho i only have like, 4 friends) and Mr Reading and Leeds has OBVIOUSLY LOST OUR NUMBER OR SOMETHING so this must be the summer we got wil wheaton on our record. Since mere tweets have failed, would it be too much to ask you guys to make signs and take pictures? yknow, like on "the four chans"

They must contain words like or similar to "JOHNNY FOREIGNER LOVES WIL WHEATON" and the prize for the best one will be something special and unique and handmade. by us. make sure to tag it @wilw so he sees it. and @lexkelandjun so we see it. which, with the picture link, should give you enough space to write "WIL PLZ READ", or "i'm only doing this to get my hands on whatever exquisite prize is on offer" ALSO, less nudity than other bands twitter competitions is encouraged (you two know who you are). wil is a family man and we don't want indieporn to ruin what small chance we may get to explain our request.

K awesome. see you all soon

TOUR PLUGMEDO

hi.

may i take a moment to impress on you, that as well as taking part in public internet lolz, we also have this band thing going on?

here are some dates of shows that we are playing really soon. we go on tour like, NEXT WEEK OMGEXCITEZ. We've been rehearsing and everything!

johnny foreigner vs the music industry tour

18th april, the hop, wakefield (16+, free show)

19th april, the tunnels, aberdeen (14+)

20th april, nice and sleazy, glasgow (18+)

22nd april, bodega social, nottingham (14+)

23rd apil, mad ferret, preston (18+)

24th april, sno bar, milton keens (18+)

26th april, hare and hounds, birminghasm (18+)

27th april, shipping forecast, liverpool (18+)

28th april, night and day, manchester (18+)

29th april, the underground, stoke (14+)

30th april, grove tavern, wimbledon (stage destroying last ever show at the grove. + 10000 other bands)

1st may, black cap, london (camden crawl show)

3rd may, l'international, paris FRA

4th may, exit, rotterdamn HOL

5th may, schaubude, keil, GER

6th may, sub071, lieden, HOL (tbc)

7th may, le romandie, laussane (part of may days festival), SWI

8th may, HALL, heidleburg, GER

9th may, AZ, aachen, GER

10th may, club007, prauga, CZR,

11th may, asta kniepe, rosenheim, GER

12th may, drunkluft, oberhausen, GER

13th may, rosi's, berlin, GER

14th may, swamp, freiburg, GER

15th may, heimat, regensburg, GER

26th may, norwich arts centre, norwich

27th may, las festival, aberdare

and it'd be nice if you came to one of them. extra euro-incentive, from the 3rd to the 15th may we'll be a four piece; ben is flying from south africa to once again do amazing visual image wizardry and fall over on stage with us. also, from the 8th, we'll be supported by young legionaire. For the uk shows, we should have a really small amount of frisbeeps to sell, as well as a couple of classy new shirt designs:

anyone complaining we're not playing near where you live, SHUTUP SHUTUP SHUTUP. we're taking care in the UK to hit places we've missed for a while, there'll be more european and uk shows later in the year, and, most of, reading them kind of comments pure depresses us. we know you want us to play in yr city. we want to play in yr city. we want to play everywhere. we only turn down shows if they're financially unfeasible, and each one of those WHY NO MY TOWN comments is a moment of time you could have spent writing to yr local promotors who decide such things.

in this vein, i'd like to give a sad wave over the seas to toronto. The lovely folk at NXNE invited us to play this year, and, despite wanting it more than anything ever, we're not in a position to front the costs right now. Next year, we'll hopefully have american distro and less people we owe cashes too, but for now WE ARE SOBBING INSIDE. so thanks to NXNE for being so understanding and good luck with yr stoopid festival. pssssssssh.

going to blates spam all these dates to facebook tomorrow, apologies in advance.