luna park

hello! i just heard of this band and i think you might like them too see?



this is philadelphia grand jury, they're from australia and, LONDONS, you can see them supporting us at 93fteast on the 26th of THIS MONTH. they're on an epic uk tour, go see them in other places too. we really need to stop booking gigs the day after one of us returns to the country, but never mind.

also, i went for a quick drink today with one of my total teenage musical idols, to talk about producing ALBUMNUMBER3. well, i guess its 4, technically speaking but anyway: EXCITING. can you guess who? heres a clue, its not anet mook. anyway, i dont think he remembers drunk me meeting him in the jug of ale 8 years ago, but he was just as cool as i remember. he gave me a beer and i kept it in my fridge for 3 years till pete from calories drank it.

and lastly, and it spins my head slightly i can even write this, if there's anybody with a johnny foreigner tattoo that hasnt already added a picture to our faceboke then, plz do it. you insane but ego-bolstering crazies. we want to cut off yr skin and make a blanket for our grandchildren JOKES.

nah, actually, we want to kind of organise our photos a bit betterer. what we're totally missing is pictures of our t-shirts, so if anyone has photos of themselves wearing any of our merch and looking SUPERCOOL and stuff, plz send it to johnnyforeigner@hotmail.co.uk so we can show them off to people. i don't quite know who, but they'll be well impressed. plz mark yr mail "COMMENT MAH PIX PLZ" so we don't lose it amongst the offers of discounted italian designer clothing and airmiles reminders.

k thx loves

google chrome, i like you.
kbyebyetraaaaaaa

mutton dressed as lamb dressed as peacocks for the ball

i sometimes dj at a club night in a kinda posh kinda scummy lahhndaahhn town. last night this girl came up to the booth and says; "d'you know about indie rock then?"
i was like, "yeh, i guess i do" so she said, can you play that sex on fire song.

no, says i, i dont have it and its rubbish. she looks a bit peeved but goes away and carries on dancing, then comes back a few songs later; "do you have any scouting for girls?"

"jesus fucking christ no", i said.

"oh, well..", she says, turning to leave "you obviously dont know that much about indie rock then"

we just played the strangest show ever. exit calm and us and ou est le swimming pool and shy fx. i cant quite work out what we all have in common apart from, needing the fucking money. anyways, it was a graduation ball for an obscenely rich university. we played in a giant marquee on the grounds of the halls of residency. only, it wasnt halls, it was a converted castle, with a little stream and a tower and some beautiful brutalist 4 storey apartments, all on this fairy tale landscaped garden. there were salsa dancers and a string quartet and some babershop guys and stilt walkers and a jazz band and a 5 course dinner and a champagne bar and hanging laterns in the trees and uv underlights in the bushes, you get the idea. narnia.



i talked to some of the natives, mostly to avoid sitting in the world cup bar with 50 drunk and impossibly rich tuxedo'd boys screaming the name of our country at a giantsize plasma screen showing 22 other impossibly rich boys kicking a ball around the country i'm in love with. anyways, i tried to describe how mostly everyone i know who lives in halls has a scrotty bedroom and a shared kitchen in a block of dank grey flats and one of them snorted and pointed to the apartment block, to imply they were no better off. i swear to god, the only things that looked vaguely trampy were the way the bird seed for the peacocks had scattered on the lawns in front and the way a couple of rooms looked a little darker than the others. that cos when euan blair lived there, him and his bodyguard decided to pimp out their apartments with bullet proof glass.

we had a lighting guy for the day, our tour managers idea of a birthday treat for his housemate. he was dead good too, but his name is junior, which can be confusing in dark places. i tried to get everyone to call him two-nior, but it didnt catch on. thanks and happy birthday other junior!

really tho, a good time was had by all. about 30 of the 9000 people actually watched us play, which is probably the best student-ball kill ratio we've achieved. they all did this weird posh-kids-can't-dance shuffle and one of them, lets call him shinyfacedrentatux boy, walked on stage between songs to ask if we'd play "that one about moseley" but, honestly, we're probably the only real live indie band they've ever seen, and its not like yr born with a working knowledge of gig ettiquette.

also, this one girl said she'd seen us play with lc! a million years ago; and me and kel had lost our accents and it sucked we didnt play champagne girls. idk if the first is true and the second exploded my irony-meter in a manner illfitting for conversation with someone so academically superior.

this is francis, our tour manager and sound dude. he's from america. USA! YANK! HA WE KICKED A GOAL IN YOU IN THE 4TH MINUTE WERE GOING TO BEAT YOU EASY IINGERLANDDD IIIIINNNNGGGGEEEERRRRLLLLLAAAANNNNDDDDD FUCCKKKK YYYYEAHHHH O OO oh. ohnoes!

i'm pretty sure i had greater arcing point to this, social worlds colliding and that, but its 4am and i have songs to write. thank you graduating class of goldney university 2010, please remember us when yr running the country.

hey there overseas

k, just quickly
1) are you american or canadian and not on our mailing list? no? you div, read this and see why you should be

2) are you in australia? then eat this!

massive thanks to matilda for setting this up for no reason apart from SHE CARES. we = super flattered.


and thankee for all the kind words about us and peaches song. busy busy yum yum
OK THATS IT, ilu interweb

HAVE A COLLABULLATION!

DOT TO DOT, urghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.. so weve always wanted to play it, we were always whining about how we never got asked and then they asked us and someone along the line said yes without checking with us and if it was literally any other weekend we'd be there but this weekend is when kelly goes all mysterious and leaves the country. does any of you read comics? d'you know the boys? you know the female? yeh...

anyway, since we share a manager with sky larkin, some Shit went Down and now they've replaced us. you should go see / have been to see them. they have new songs and there fucking awesome-o.

so, seeing as the theme of this week seems to be weirded out versions of songs as apologies, this seems to be a gooderer time as any to introduce this bastard child (song) we gave birth to (recorded) after sexing (studio time) with this man called peach (yesterdays pupil) in south afri-car.

peach!


for those of you who are into this sort of technical studio knowhow, we recorded all our parts in the wrong order onto a computer machine using wires, coloured them in pretty hues, then peach put it next to a gameboy sound chip and did some suave magic transferrance till this came out.

thanks be to red bull studios in capetown for organising this up for us

JOHNNY FOREIGNER AND YESTERDAYS PUPILS ALL NEW JAZZ DIRECTION

k hope you like it. it's called with who, who and what i've got. i guess it should have a weird suffix like 8bit poesyou mix or something, but seeing as how we havnt recorded it normally yet, ettiquette dictates we call that one *standard rock version. normal service to be resumed on the 5th June for 2poor2pitch (tsch, grmmr) at the harely in shefshef.

goodluck kelly / bye

x

NEWS BO-OMB

hello. if we were a club, then this would be the newsletter.

1) every cloakroom ever. OMG we are soooooooooooooo sorry about keeping everyone waiting for this. there was a flood! locusts! and a load of stuff that was out of our hands. BUT this weekend both the test pressing and cover turned up (can you find yrself?) and we've okayed them cos they're excellent and they'll be cloned this week. YAY BACTA TANKS

so, expect yr awesome 45rpm 10" (geek hi5 plz) within a couple of weeks. ALSO, to keep you all from thinking, why did i ever care about johnny foreigner anyway, everyone on the list will be sent a BRAND SORT OF NEW song called kelly watches the coast. its sort of a remix but not really. you'll see. check yr inboxes (inboxi) in a few days. sweet.

2)gigs! our summer schedule is pretty much in place now, you can see it here or most likely here or even perhaps here. our next show is headlining the saturday of 2poor2pitch at the harley in sheffield. yay sheffield!

3) americahhhhhhhhhhh/canadarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. thanks so much for yr informative emails, its totally helped us build a picture of where we want to be and who we need to speak to. i know we still havnt written back to everyone, we're still assimilating all the details. planning mode for autumn (FALL!) tour will be engaged soon. aces.

4) safricaaaaaaaaaaaa we want to come and make our next album in you. for reals. octynov time? can we have a million rand for flights plz?

kcool, more news soons!

traaaaaaaaaaaaaa

half past america

prologue


hi all. if yr not from america or canada, then there's not much point reading this. srs, its just a big lunp of text that will do nothing for you. having said that, writing such a warning is probably going to make you read it more out of curiosity. so, read it, and then trust us next time k?


if yr from canada, then you should read this and substitute mentions of america for canada wherever possible. sorry, yr in this too but im just trying to save on text. i realise this might be a massive cultural faux-pas, but whenever we've thought of touring america, canadas always been part of that. yr like the cherry on our mental tourmap cake.


sweet?
essay tiem nao.


k right, easily thee most frustrating message we've received in the last few months, about 100 times, over every Digital Social Interaction Media we have, goes like this:

Hi! i love your band! you should come to [insert name of american city/town/state] and play a show!


we're fucking tearing our hairs out.

a good 80% of the music we listen to comes from america. half our mailing lists are american. most of our facebook interactions (SRS BZNZ) are with americansss. we made 2 albums there, played some of our most fun ever shows there (hi rob!) and even once waited in a courtyard in texas for tim kinsella cos he told us he'd be right back, and we've hung out outside the holdsteadys rehearsal room just long enough to look suspicious. also, slightly obscure canada reference, i used to have a job handing out pamphlets in a road called albert street. ANYWAYS, we want to go tour there so bad we've resorted to flippantly replying, sure, buy us plane tickets and we're there. srsly, we're asking kids we've never met to buy us airfare, in the vain hope that one'll be super rich and take us up.

PLEASE AMERICA, WE HATE THE BEATLES AND KASABIAN AND ELLIE GOULDING. WE WANT TO PLAY THE STAGES THAT THE PIXIES AND THE PLAN GREW UP ON AND WE'RE STUCK IN THE COUNTRY OF THE FUCKING COURTEENERS BEING DECLARED THE FUTURE. seriously, the day mark linkous died, the nme, our countries most famous music rag and funded by a hair gel company, gave an award to paul weller.

so, let this post be the end of the frustration period and the start of Actual Positive Action. we are like, TOTALLY coming to america. somehow.

we toured ireland this year, and, it was kinda awful. lovely people,like, but no promotion, no excitement, we've never felt so much like we were being processed thru the system. financially and morally, it was a major fail. and then we went to south africa and played thee most perfect fun tour ever, and it completely hammered home the value of punk ethics we'd kinda forgotten about, what with agents and cone-tracts and barfly tours.

sorry, im rambling, but there is a point. we want to build some kind of giant box of information
so we can plan a tour that will be perfect and amazing and not land us homeless in some lonely state, playing to a dozen random people who possibly have never heard of pavement, and make us wish we'd spent the airfare on water bills or rent or something.

and this is where you come in, mr/ms "hi come play my town plz". in a probably unprecedented level of demographic interaction, we'd like to hear from all of you lovely eager people. please write to us. tell us where you live, what venues you go to, what the shows are like, what local bands you think we'd fit a bill with, etc etcy... be as detailed or as vague as you like, we'll read everything and reply to everyone. if you know any local promotors/labels/distros, general Good People to know For This Sort of Thing, then send us their details too. plz nothing like YOU SHOULD TOUR WITH LC!!!! stuff, cos, although its true and just, we have as little say in that as you do and we want to concentrate on practical, achieveable stuff like persauding sam zurich to let us crash his house

when we have this big sack of mail then we can sit down with a big map and start pinning little flags in. although we'll more likely use Teh Internetzz, which worries me slightly cos i dont know how you do that neat split window thing on windows 7, and that'd probably be pretty handy.

but yeh, hopfully this right here is the start of something superawesome. involving like, promo tshirts and free stickers at last and superawesome guerilla ad campaigns where we get you to graffitti ghosts and the words "the english are coming" in public places in return for a goody bag and a toasting. too far?

anyways, it starts like this.

please write to:

johnnyforeigner@hotmail.co.uk

and put team america/SRS BZNZ as the subject header so we dont lose it amongst offers for cheap nikes or late notices from our studio.

tldr?

if you want us to come and play in yr town in america or canada, please write us stuff about yr scene or venues or whatever and send it to the above email. then we'll collate all this stuff into a big paper maiche house and dance about in it. awesomes.

thanks for yr time, and, with a bit of luck, see you soon..